Handymen are never at hand

In my next life, I want to be either an electrician or a plumber. They seem to get away with frequent disappearances from the job, never turning up when called or walking off a project midway for no plausible reason.

Back home, their services are invaluable but the only problem is that they rarely turn up on the job. If you aren’t a handyman, or woman for that matter, you are doomed to wait and, when they do turn up, you learn to bite back all the recriminations and instead greet them like a long-lost friend.

The joy their appearance brings cannot be rivalled by any other. You usher them in like royalty and show them what needs to be fixed. They look at the faulty device and there is suspense as they weigh the pros and stops at all the hardware shops and finally get what you want. By the time you reach home you’re told the handyman has left and that he said he will be back.

Your heart sinks as you know from bitter experience he won’t be back in a hurry. After many more days of living with the inconvenience of that faulty faucet or wiring, you are forced to call him. That mobile remains switched off. Many tries later, he answers. You force a welcome into your voice and ask when he’s coming back. If anyone were to overhear that conversation, they can be forgiven for thinking that you’re inviting someone to a party.

Realising he’s not persona non grata, he gives you another date and asks if you will be home. If you know what’s good for you, you will make yourself free for him even if you have a pressing appointment.

So, the waiting game begins all over again. This time, when he doesn’t turn up, you are hopping mad. But anger will get you nowhere. Especially if that job is still undone. Eventually, he turns up a time of his choosing. It is quite possible that he will catch you just as you are stepping out of the house. If you are wise, you will immediately turn back.

This time you are prepared. The things he had asked for are at hand and you aren’t letting him out of your sight. He might even suggest that if he’s come at a bad time, he can come again. But you aren’t going to fall into that trap. You reassure him that his being there is the only thing that matters.

As he gets on with the job, you watch carefully, hoping you’ll learn something and not have to depend on him again. However, deep down in your heart you know that you have never been a good learner and watching isn’t going to translate into a meaningful experience.

When I was home last year, I needed an electrician to fix some ceiling fans in my flat. I asked around and a friend told me about this wonderful man who was most reliable. So, I contacted him and he came at the appointed time and did what he had to do. What I didn’t know was that he had abandoned his post at my friend’s place to come to me and, after completing my work, he disappeared forever.

I don’t know if I will ever be forgiven.