Single over the holidays?

But don’t worry — experts are available to help us! Too bad their advice is often downright laughable. Among their survival secrets:

Head to a dive bar, or at least spike your hot cocoa. (Nothing quite says the holidays like getting drunk.)

Sit at the kids’ table or spend time with kids. Anyone’s kids. (If nothing else, it’s a great reminder to always use birth control.)

Play with the dog or, if there isn’t one, buy your parents a puppy so they’ll pay more attention to it than you. (It took me a good 10 years of begging before my parents finally let me have a dog, when I was 15; I wish I knew then I could have just bought them a puppy — for me!)

Binge on TV. (Although really keeping up with the Kardashians might kill you.)

Throw on some red lipstick and act happy, happy, happy because you might meet The One. (Because there’s no other reason to look good in public. And no one will be able to tell you’re faking it.)

While I have no doubt the writers of those survival tips have the best interests of singles in mind, the cumulative effect of their advice creates an artificial anxiety where there prob- simpler and happier, and we felt loved for who we are. The holidays, and all the advertising, marketing and media around them, play with those sentimental feelings. But nostalgia isn’t all that bad, according to psychology professor Krystine Batcho.

“We define ourselves in terms of our relationships, in terms of how we are connected to other people, that helps us identify our sense of self, and nostalgia helps us maintain those connections and a sense of belonging,” she told LifeScience. “When you are lonely, it is because you are separate from others in one way or another; and the holidays are really notorious for making people feel alone, even when they are not physically alone.”

So when we’re feeling bad about whatever’s happening in our life, according to Batcho, nostalgia can be redemptive, helping us to remember that there have been better times in our past and giving us hope that there will be more in the future.

And it isn’t necessarily bad to feel bad around the holidays, either. According to one study, there’s a lot to be said about bah-humbug thinking.

“The strong cultural emphasis [we place] on wanting to be happy all the time is misdirected and could even be damaging. It sends out a message that feeling negative is always unnecessary and dysfunctional, which is clearly not the case,” study author and University of New South Wales professor Joe Forgas told body+soul. “By propagating a myth that uninterrupted happiness is possible and desirable, it makes people feel worse than they would otherwise.”

So, in the spirit of the season, here’s my gift to my fellow singles: If you really want to survive the holidays, stop reading survival tips. I guarantee that you’ll make it.