How to know if you have succeeded as a father

Ihave two sons who are aged 20 and 22 respectively and I am very happy and proud to see that our relationship has evolved from a child–father relationship to an adult–father relationship (‘Speak your mind: Are friendly fathers failing?’, Gulf News, May 12). I am still their father in good times and bad, but we also have a relationship of equals that is based on love and mutual respect.

For me the only thing a parent can do for a child is to teach him/her the difference between right and wrong. If you succeed in that, everything else is trivial and secondary. If you fail, consequences are catastrophic. Children will be influenced by their friends, school, internet, relatives and future spouses, but if that fundamental of right and wrong is in place there is very little to worry about.

The boys’ mother and I divorced when they were very young. It was very unusual at the time, even in Europe, to have an arrangement where the children lived every other week with me and every other week with their mother. However, I think that contributed much to the relationship that we have now, as I wanted to be a visible and integral part of their life. A father is an equal caretaker, just like a mother. The family member roles are different in Eastern cultures, and I understand that well, but does it necessarily have to be so stereotypical in the year 2017?

When writing this, I am questioning myself and how well have I have performed as a father. Have I been a successful, loving father, a role model for my boys? I think the right answer is yes and no, but that is only human. Children can’t choose their parents, but as they grow up they can choose if they want to spend time with them and share their lives with their parents. We call and text our boys every day, and share our most ordinary and extraordinary events. They share those moments with me because they want to, not because they have to. For me this is the ultimate gold medal of fatherhood.