New generation of parents needs to shed gender bias

It sounds unbelievable but it is true. A 29-year-old woman was beaten up and both her hands were fractured because she had yet again given birth to a daughter, the third in a row!

The victim, Rekha Devi, was married eight years ago to Shailendra Kumar of Babra village in Shajahanpur district about 150km from Lucknow, capital of Uttar Pradesh state in India. She had already faced the brunt for producing two daughters. But her husband and in-laws lost their heads when they got another female child.

At a time when both the mother and child needed special attention and medical care, she was subjected to severe thrashing, invectives and all kinds of indignities. One day, all the family members joined hands in breaking the hands of Rekha as a punishment for repeatedly giving birth to a female child! That was too much and unacceptable to a family which had been longing for a baby boy all these years. She was held captive and not allowed to speak to anyone. When news of her being in a traumatic state reached her parents living in the neighbouring Lakhimpur district, they came rushing. Shocked as they were, the girl’s parents took their granddaughters and the newborn to their home.

Before examining the psyche behind the episode, let us examine the plight of the woman. With both her hands bandaged, Rekha was unable to eat with her own hands or drink water. More than that, the poor woman was rendered incapable of carrying out even the daily ablutions. Thanks to her mother who acted as her nurse and helped her daughter out with these tasks. The incident gave a rude shock to every sane person with moderate intelligence and understanding.

The desire for a male child is an ageold phenomenon in India which has an essentially patriarchal society. It is based on the belief that the male child carries on the family lineage. In the traditional and conservative dispensation, the grown-up male is expected to look after his parents and succeed them in the family avocation, if any.

On the other hand, the daughters are married off to families where they have to take care of their own in-laws and their children.

Filling the void

That is how it has been going on for thousands of years, not only in India, but in many countries in the world.

However, growing awareness and breaking up of the joint family system has given way to nuclear families which has now become a common feature.

Nevertheless, things are changing fast. In families having girls as offspring, they are increasingly filling the void created by the absence of boys. Today, daughters are doing all that their male siblings would have done, sometimes in a better manner. As a matter of fact, despite their loyalties and focus having shifted to their second home, I have seen them taking full care of their parents.

I have found some loner parents saying, with a chuckle, “For us, our daughter is our son, a very worthy son, so we have no worry.” In a way, they say, she is managing not one but two families which is not a trifling matter.

Coming back to the longing of male child enthusiasts, most of them need to know how a foetus takes the shape of a male or female child. The choice is in nobody’s hands and no husband or mother-in-law can dictate a pregnant woman to bear a child of his or her liking.

In fact, they ought to know that the “onus” (if I may call it as such) of giving identity to the foetus lies with the male parent.

If this simple fact is realised by our male child enthusiasts, women like Rekha would not have had her hands broken and tortured in this rapidly transforming India. No doubt awareness is growing, but the pace, I am afraid, is so slow that it will take more tolls of limbs and even lives.

I strongly feel that it is time that the government and social organisations take up a stronger, sustained and really effective campaigning through the media and word of mouth to educate the people at large with a focus on new couples.

The need of the hour is to shed gender bias and accord equal treatment to a female and male child accepting them as God’s gift.

■ Lalit Raizada is a journalist based in India.