Toxic experiences during the early years can be disabling

Instead of asking ‘what’s wrong with this child’, ask ‘what happened to this child’ advises an expert

Parents often bring children in for medication to treat attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder. The children often have difficulty focusing at school and at home, and the symptoms can be distressing for parents and teachers. One young boy I saw looked quite withdrawn, so I put down the evaluation forms from his school and instead asked him about current or past stress.

He told me that his dad had left their family six months ago, and shortly after that he started having trouble focusing in school. I didn’t know it at the time, but I had used one of the basic practices of traumainformed care, where instead of asking “what’s wrong with this child,” we ask “what happened to this child.”

As I watched this young boy heal with therapy (and without medication), I took a look at the root of my own anxiety.

I came to US after leaving a country under the threat of war. I was separated from my parents foraperiodoftime,andIwatched them worry about our safety. The young child in me began to see the world as chaotic and sometimes unsafe. And shortly after that, my anxiety began.

As parents, it’s important to ask your paediatrician to screen your child for exposure to traumatic experiences. And it’s perhaps even more important to understand that a high score on

this screening does not have to dictate their destiny.

Just as chronic toxic stress can rewire a child’s brain, the exposure to interventions that promote resilience (including trauma-focused therapy, proper nutrition, yoga and mindfulness) can help the brain to form new connections, a phenomenon called neuroplasticity. With the

right tools, children can thrive despite having experienced trauma.

When a child breaks their ankle or has a physical injury, we are quick to get them in for treatment. But emotional wounds, if left untreated, can scar quickly as well. And those scars can live with our children for a lifetime.