Irrfan Khan finds a new perspective
The acclaimed actor, whose life has been on hold since he was diagnosed with cancer, says he has found clarity
Actor Irrfan Khan is a Bollywood star and Hollywood chameleon, who has bounced between the two with ease for decades, working with everyone from Mira Nair to Wes Anderson and Ang Lee and stealing scenes in both Oscar-winners
(Slumdog Millionaire) and blockbusters (Jurassic
World) alike. But all that’s been put on hold as he undergoes treatment in London for a neuroendocrine tumour, a rare form of cancer.
How are you doing in general?
I’ve seen life from a completely different angle. You sit down and you see the other side and that’s fascinating. I’m engaged on a journey.
There’s been a lot of speculation in the media about your condition and you’ve made pleas on social media not to trust the reports.
There are challenges which life throws at you. But I have started believing in the way this condition has tested me, really, really tested me in all aspects — physical, emotional and spiritual. It has put me in a rapture state. Initially I was shaken. I didn’t know. I was very, very vulnerable. But there is another way to look at things that is much more powerful and productive and much more healthy. I want people to believe that nature is much more trustworthy and one must trust that.
The problem initially was that everyone was speculating whether I would be out of this disease or not. Because it’s not in my hand. That’s nature that will do whatever it has to do. I could take care of only what was in my hands. And it offers so much that you feel thankful. The way it opens your windows to look at life. I would have never reached that state even if I had done meditation for 30 years. But this sudden jolt has put me on a platform where I can look at things in a completely different
manner. And for that I am really thankful. It sounds strange, but we should trust nature rather than feel sad. And trust that whatever the outcome, it will be for the best.
Are you reading scripts or planning to work at all?
No, I’m completely out of reading scripts. This has become a surreal experience. My days are unpredictable. I used to think my life would be like that, but I could never
practice unpredictability and spontaneity. That has happened now. I don’t plan. I go for breakfast and then I don’t have a plan. I take things as they come. That has been really helping me a lot. I’m just spontaneous and I’m loving this experience. There was something missing in my life earlier. I was feeling a little manipulated by myself, by my own mind. There was a kind of disharmony in myself. It was bothering me. And I think this is what I was missing, this spontaneity. I know because we live in a world that is packed with plans, it sounds unrealistic. How could you live your life like that? But life is so mysterious and has so much to offer, we don’t really try things. Now I am trying and I am loving it. I am in a really fortunate state.
You’re in London going through treatments. Is there anything you can share about that?
I have had the fourth cycle of chemo. I have to have six cycles and then we take a scan. After the third cycle, the scan was positive. But we need to see after the sixth scan where it takes me. There’s no guarantee of life with anybody. My mind could always tell me to hang a kind of chip on your neck and say, “I have this disease and I could die in a few months or a year or two.” Or I could just avoid this conversation completely and live my life the way it offers me. And it offers so much. I admit I was walking around with blinders. .
There is a sort of clarity with this experience?
Exactly, and clarity came like lightning. You stop your contemplation, your planning, the noise. You see the other aspect of it. Life offers you so much. That’s why I feel like I have no other words but thanks. There are no other words, there’s no other demand, and there’s no other prayer.