When ‘I can’t’ was not an option

For many of us, especially when we are adolescents, unpleasant household tasks elicit reluctant groans, unhappy muttering and eventually a resentful, “I can’t do this!”

It could be something as simple as mopping up the milk we have spilt or it could be a slightly more complicated task like filling in application forms or making refund claims.

A perky “Yes, we can!” come easily, does it?

And how do I know this?

No, I do not have an unwilling young adult in the house at present and I am not eavesdropping on the conversations of the family next door.

I know this because I have not erased my unwilling adolescent years from my memory.

I was once one of those youngsters who “couldn’t” do anything around the house. And there were two more does not like me, all of us seemingly determined to drive our parents around the bend and prove the truth of the words: “Insanity is inherited. You get it from your children.”

We were also adept at passing the buck — and passing instructions to the next in line when anything was asked of us.

Thus an everyday task went something like this:

Mother: “Please empty the trash in the garbage chute.”

Brother, roughly elbowing the middle sibling: “Go!”

Middle sibling, pushing right back: “Euw! I’ve just put moisturiser on my hands. I’m not touching that trash can! And don’t push me around like that!”

Brother, abandoning the rough demeanour and putting his arm around the youngest sibling, supposedly in affection: “Go take out the trash!”

Youngest sibling, squirming and trying desperately to get out of the hug, which was actually a sneaky pinch on the shoulder: “Let me go! Let me go!”

Father: “Good girl! Glad to hear you want to go.”

And thus the youngest sibling had to drag herself out of her comfortable slouch to go about what was actually a simple task. But as she pulled out the packet that was filled with the day’s kitchen waste, she somehow managed to overturn the trash can with a clatter and then drop the packet as well.

“Clean up whatever mess you have created,” called Mother, but the culprit fled from the mess on the kitchen floor, howling, “I can’t! I can’t do it!”

Those words were enough to get the adults going: “There is no such thing as ‘I can’t’,” said Mother.

“What you are saying is you won’t,” said Father, “and that is not acceptable. When we were young, we just had to keep trying until ‘I can’t’ turned to ‘I can’!”

Youthful mischief

Of course, we tried to turn the tables on our parents and we brought up incidents they had shared with us in more expansive moments when they reminisced about their youthful mischief: “You said you couldn’t understand algebra,” “You told us you couldn’t walk into a dark room because you were afraid of spider’s webs ...”

Naturally, our parents were quick to explain how “I can’t” had not stopped them from knuckling down and passing the algebra exam or walking through those spider’s webs.

They were obviously improvising and spinning a web of fiction to motivate us, but who was there from their youth to disprove their tales?

So, we cleared up the mess on the kitchen floor, we took the trash to the garbage shute — and we did a number of other chores that we “couldn’t”.

Perhaps that was one of the best lessons of our youth: Get down to the task and keep at it until it is done.

But having spent so many years doing that and being hardpressed to admit to a humble “I can’t” (but not an “I won’t”), I wonder now if we can keep that up as we age.

■ Cheryl Rao is a journalist based in India.