Dr Mehanas K K has an 18-year-old son, Aadil

My journey as a single parent began in 2006; my son Mohammed Aadil was four then. The first obstacle I faced was when I tried to return to the UAE from India. I could come back on a residence visa as my father could sponsor me, but he couldn’t sponsor my child. After almost five months and a lot of paperwork, my father was allowed to sponsor my son on a humanitarian basis. We moved to Umm Al Quwian as he got into The English School with the help of a family friend there as admissions were already closed in almost all the other schools. For me, life as a single parent was comparatively easy as I had solid support from my parents. When I started working, we moved to Sharjah and Aadil joined Our Own English High School there. Dentistry required evening practice and I always finished work at 9.30pm and would reach home only by 10. So I could hardly spend any time with my son or help him with his studies. But now, I would say, that was a blessing in disguise – he became an independent child from a very young age. From grade four, he used to go to school with a house key, would come home and heat up food on his own when my parents were not around (they used to be shuttling between India and the UAE) and he would complete his schoolwork before I came home. Perhaps I was blessed - I had a child who had taken things in a very positive way and was ready to do his share of work without making it more difficult for me. I didn’t face any major troubles raising him. The biggest trouble I used to have with him was actually a funny one. Very often my son would go to bed without removing the key from the door, which meant I wouldn’t be able to enter the house at night. And he would never hear the phone ringing or the door bell. I would have to get the carpenter to come and break the lock to get inside. Finally we put up a message on our door saying ‘Please remove the key from the door’ so he wouldn’t forget! I always felt I occupied more of a father’s role than a traditional mother’s role as I was never the “cooking your favourite food” kind of mum. But we would instead go for a drive and have food from our favourite eateries. I used to feel guilty for not being like the other mothers who pamper their kids and follow up on everything they have to do in school. Now I know I didn’t have to be like that as he always had my mother to do all that, and my father as a father figure, stern and full of guidance. I believe, for any single mother, a career is something that needs to be taken very seriously as you won’t be able to play any role properly if you are not financially independent. I was able to manage everything as I am a post graduate and had wonderful support from my family. I feel a positive aspect of being a single mother is that we share a great bond where we discuss everything, and the communication is always open as it’s mostly just the two of us. I was able to make the best decisions for him if he wanted to do something. He wanted to move to Kerala for grades 11 and 12. I made sure that I met him at least once in two months until Covid-19 locked us up in two different places. To summarise the journey until now, I would say I was lucky to get a happy-go-lucky child who has always stayed positive and never made me feel I did something wrong by taking him away from his father.