Sabina Rafi Ahmed has a 14-year-old son, Aman Vinod Yadav

It has been a roller-coaster ride as a single parent. My son lost his father at the age of four, and I was just 27 – he died of a heart attack. It was especially difficult because my son had been closer to his dad than to me. Initially I wondered if I would survive – how could I cope with the loss of my partner and manage to bring up a child alone? But over the next few years, things kept playing out the way they had to. I was in India then, and it was a difficult life as my in-laws were far away. Aman’s life was completely changed – my husband had spoilt him, bought him everything he wanted. And one day my son stopped getting those things, stopped being picked up from school every day by dad. I didn’t have the money to buy him most things that he wanted. Aman became very sensitive – it was difficult to make him understand that the male figure doesn’t exist in his life like they do in his friend’s lives. He would cry constantly, and the principal used to call me up complaining. He would cry in class and his teachers would make him stand in the corridor outside so he wouldn’t disturb the other students. They then threatened to remove him from school. I had to intervene and meet with them and ask them to show him empathy as he’d just lost his dad – while I had moved on, he still had not. I also had a conversation with Aman, explaining that both his life and mine would get harder if he continued crying at school. I told him that God took his father, and we couldn’t do anything about it. I soon made the decision to move to Dubai to be with my parents – they’re residents of Dubai for 40 years. My dad could sponsor my son on humanitarian grounds. Aman would cry and get frustrated even when he would see me talking to my dad, or see my sister’s children interacting with their father. It took a few years – but slowly he started becoming a happy child again. And I think that was also partly due to the fact that I tried my best to fulfil roles of both parents in his life when and where needed. The key to being a good parent is of course being available for your child as and when they need you. Trying to fill the role of a father is difficult and his dad can’t be replaced but I tried my best; taking him out for fun activities, trips to other countries during annual holidays, ensuring I had a chat with him every day to understand his emotions, keeping track of his ever-changing likes and dislikes, making sure I knew what he did when I was at work. I had to do the balancing act: let him know the rules and tell him the right and wrong like his father used to, along with pampering him as I had always done. As for me, when you raise a child singlehandedly, you need to be financially strong – tough because I had been completely dependent on my husband. So having a job to provide a good life and education to my son wasn’t easy because I had to balance it with giving him time and attention. Thankfully it was easy to keep him safe while I was away at work as I was fortunate to have my parents around . He still thinks about his dad but I think that feeling always stays, and I’ve done my best to be both reliable and reassuring at those times. Single parenting along with managing a career is no walk in the park. If not for the full support of my parents and my in-laws, I would have massively struggled to balance both. The biggest two aims of any parent are education and making their child a good human with both manners and values. So I now have a 14-year-old son who is loving, caring, practical, respecting and values life. The road is long with many challenges, happiness and sorrows, but I feel he has succeeded in it so far – and so have I.