I WANTED TO CRAWL OUT OF MY OWN SKIN. ROBIN SODERLING
FORMER TWOTIME FRENCH OPEN FINALIST SWEDE OPENS UP ON MENTAL ILLNESS IN SPORT
After years of suffering and anguish, former two-time Roland Garros finalist Robin Soderling has stepped out of the shadows to confess about his struggles through mental illness.
In the latest instalment of ATPTour.com’s My Point series, the 2009 French Open champion has dealt about mental health and his hopes of helping others who are now going through similar struggles on the men’s and women’s professional tours.
The sporting world has been made to believe that Soderling’s career ended due to mononucleosis — or the Epstein-Barr virus (EBV), one of the most common human viruses in the world that spreads primarily through saliva.
But, what went unnoticed perhaps is the fact that the Swedish player battled severe mental illness that ultimately led him to temporarily stop tennis in 2011, and then ultimately announce his retirement two days before Christmas of 2015.
Soderling — who will turn 36 on August 14 — has been candid, if not brutally honest, about the trials and tribulations of having to cope with an unseen ailment for a better part of his career, while bringing in focus the real issues affecting many a player travelling on the fancied tours of professional tennis.
Unseen foe
Soderling’s confession opens up with a poignant sentence: “I wanted to crawl out of my own skin,” the Swede admitted.
“In 2011, I was in the best physical shape of my life. I was one of the five best players in the world and I had won four titles by the end of July. But from one day to another, I couldn’t take a step. I couldn’t breathe,” he said.
Soderling then goes on to relate what exactly and how a player who was seen to be among the best in the world, eventually crumbled to an unseen foe. “I was competing in Bastad, in front of my home fans, and I wasn’t feeling well the entire week. I was so wired up. I had a tonne of energy, but not positive energy. I couldn’t find a way to calm myself down, and I only managed to sleep a couple of hours every night,” he related.
“I was the perfect person to have a burnout because I was not listening to my body at all. My only answer to setbacks was pushing harder. Striving for perfection meant putting results ahead of my own well-being. Little did I know I would never play a tournament again,” Soderling opened up.
“Athletes speak about injuries all the time, but we never discuss mental illness. There are a few former players who told me they experienced mental illness and some of them had to retire because of it. I don’t
I was one of the five best players in the world and I had won four titles by the end of July. But from one day to another, I couldn’t take a step. I couldn’t breathe.” Robin Soderling » Former French Open champion
think we can make it easier for people around the world dealing with this awful issue if we don’t start viewing mental illness as seriously as we should,” Soderling admitted.
The player has finally explained why he has stepped out of his comfort zone while narrating his story. “Thankfully, after a few really, really tough years, I started feeling better. Now, I consider that a closed chapter in my life.
“The thought of helping one player or one person is enough for me,” Soderling concluded.