STEP OUT OF YOUR SHADOWS
Accepting yourself is the first step towards understanding yourself
The last column, ‘Nurturing Relationship with Self’, articulated that self-relationship is the most important relationship and that it defines relationships one has with the external world.
ACCEPTING ASPECTS OF SELF
Nurturing self by acknowledging and accepting the self isn’t going to be easy. There are different aspects or subpersonalities of ourself. Some we’re familiar with, as they are in our conscious awareness and are easy to work with. Some we get a glimpse of, when overwhelmed with certain emotions.
However, the major aspects of self are hidden in the innermost layers of the self, driving our lives and relationships. Our inner conflict exists because these layers exist but are unexplored. And till they are brought into the light of conscious awareness, one wonders about inexplicable tendencies and events that surface in their life and the repeating patterns.
What are these hidden aspects? These are primarily emotionally starved pieces of self. These parts of self which were not met with approval or appreciation in the past, rather pushed back, suppressed, denied or rejected.
Let’s say, I am a 20-year old girl from a rigid family, I agreed to marry as per my parent’s wishes, burying my desire to be a dancer. I had to agree as I wasn’t in a position to make decisions. Also, I didn’t want to disappoint my parents. At some level, I feared losing love, praise and approval of my parents, and the tag of being father’s “best and responsible child”. As this life event played out, some part of me actually felt left out, unfulfilled.
I had no say in deciding my life-partner, I couldn’t get to communicate my desire and give expression to my talented side and I felt “what’s life for a girl?” I felt: “life is unfair”, “girls have to compromise”.
I also felt unheard, my needs unwanted and me as unimportant.
CREATION OF SHADOW SELF
These thoughts, over time, built up and gained personalities of their own as I kept feeding them. They started surfacing in physical forms as: inability to take decisions, putting others needs first, diffidence in expressing, searching for my life purpose (or others); casting shadows within me. My emotions could have taken a contrary form as well, where I could have become aggressive, overdemanding that things go my way, scowled over compromises, became over-pushy.
Whichever view dominates, I would see and create my life and world from that point of view.
No matter which way I go, my unexpressed feelings will continue to fester, seeking acknowledgement, love and acceptance; “I matter”, “my feelings, emotions, talents matter”, “I’m heard”. These emotions will surface like a child asking: “I’m here’, “acknowledge me”, “embrace me”, “love me”, “live me”, “I am yours”.
If I continue to shun/reject these parts of me that are seeking my attention, but I crave them from others, it will create conflict within me. And adding to my dissatisfaction, anger, resentment, building more negative feelings within me. The unfed/ shadow parts will fester further, creating illnesses in the body, mind and psyche.
WE ARE LIGHT BEINGS
We’re literally made of light (https://www. livescience.com/7799strange-humans-glowvisible-light.html.) While the presence of shadows is an essential part of the human journey, bringing them to light with self-love and respect is equally essential. Without the shadows, one won’t know which personality aspect needs the light of release, resolution or transmutation. Just as a dark night is a prerequisite to see bright stars, similarly the shadows in us facilitate our journey to see our own light. Light is what we must “be”.
The “enlightenment” journey, the regeneration of self, is a deep self-work. If I can’t love myself, be kind/ tolerant/ compassionate to myself, I won’t have the ability to give what I don’t have. Neither will I have the ability to receive what I don’t relate to, yet. I must “be”/ “live” what I want to receive from othersthis is the essence of working with the shadow aspect of self.
My own relationship with me is important as it holds the key to all relationships I want to have or create.
The major aspects of self are hidden in the innermost layers of the self, driving our lives and relationships.
Disclaimer: Urmila Rao is an emotional healer and a forgiveness teacher. All the ideas expressed herein are her own, and not professional advice or medical prescription. Her website is: www. karmicwellness.in Email: hellokarmicwellness@ gmail.com