Don’t let envy eat you alive; turn it into motivation
Envy pushes you to change something about yourself and your situation
You do not envy everything or everyone you come across, only certain things that you truly desire.”
Louise McDonnell | Clinical psychologist
Fill the blanks. ‘I am so envious that I want to….” How would you complete that sentence? Destroy someone’s reputation?
Or, do better for yourself? You might harbour envy, a rather unpleasant feeling. Yet, these feelings are alerting you to change a situation. With this in mind, see how you can motivate yourself to change your life around, explains Diana Matthews, a Dubai-based counsellor, using the fill-inthe-blanks example from Psychology Today.
Envy rears its head, often. It’s a common human phenomenon. Yet, it doesn’t have to always eat us from inside. It could inspire some to finish unfinished manuscripts that had been lying abandoned for years, as in the case of Dubaibased Narayani Sanyal, an aspiring writer and freelancer. It could also push a person to demand more than settling for something less, as Dubaibased Nick Moore, a Canadian public relations professional, agrees.
However, you need to walk the careful line between envy and crippling jealousy.
Instead of resenting someone for their success and achievements, try to learn from them... Shift your focus from what you lack to what you have.”
Carolyn Yaffe | Cognitive behaviour therapist
Envy versus jealousy
“There are so many understandings of envy. People often think it’s another synonym for jealousy, but it’s a lot more complicated than that,” explains Matthews.
There are two types of envy: It can be benign, which is usually just essentially admiration and more functional, pushing you to change something about yourself. However, it’s important to distinguish it from a more destructive emotion: jealousy, which can also be envy in a rather malicious form. It’s when you feel threatened, anxious that you might be losing your position, or situation to someone else. .
First, admit it to yourself
The most complex part of envy is first admitting that you feel envious in the first place, as Carolyn Yaffe, cognitive behaviour therapist from Medcare Camali Center, Dubai explains. Without acknowledging these feelings, you revel in your misery. Once you accept your feelings, it can allow you to actually weaponise envy as a force for good, explain the psychologists.
Matthews provides examples: For instance, watching someone else sing on stage with a close friend could leave you with a pang of envy. You love singing, but never had the confidence to sing in public. “This twinge of inferiority can actually motivate you to practise your own singing skills,” she says.
“Instead of resenting someone for their success and achievements, try to learn from them,” adds Yaffe. “Understand what qualities they have or actions that made them successful and see if you can apply similar strategies in your own life. Shift your focus from what you lack to what you have,” she says.
Use your envy as a social alarm clock, as Matthews explains. “With this fear of falling behind, it pushes us forward,” she says.
Envy to motivation
Begin by reframing your envy into a more positive and goal oriented motivation, says Louise McDonnell, a clinical psychologist from LightHouse Arabia. “You do not envy everything or everyone you come across, only certain things that you truly desire,” she says.
You can start by being realistic. Set your goals. Yet most of all, be patient, she reminds.
However, keep envy as your starting point, say the psychologists. Don’t let it overpower your journey. You have to remember that everyone’s journey is unique: So stop comparing yourself to others, she warns. Keep in mind, that everyone has their own story and different set of challenges.