THE SINGLE LININGS PLAYBOOK
SINGLEHOOD IS A CHOICE. WE ROUND UP A FEW SOLO-ISTS WHO ARE LIVING IT UP BY THEIR OWN ‘SINGULAR’ RULES
Breakin’ up is hard to do, sang Neil Sedaka, but that was in the 60s and the 70s. Those were times when relationships ending would be mopped up by sniffles and lacy handkerchiefs. This year, the biggest breakup (one whose ‘viral-ity’ overshadowed more “pressing news” like a total eclipse) — Brangelina being split wide open — was turned into a giant business opportunity when the no-fuss Norwegian (airline) pitched the breakup as a big idea. “Brad is single”, its advert read, beseeching (women) travellers to buy a ticket to LA.
If there’s anything ‘Brad is Single’ has taught us, it’s that singlehood can be a badge of honour — not a stigma you’re frantically trying to play down. Sheetal Ramadurai, Indian, in her late 30s, and working in the media sector in Dubai for six years now, remembers how every time — between 2010 and 2015 — she met family members back in India on her annual pilgrimage, she was invariably asked, “So, have you actually made up your mind to go it alone?” Her usually old-style grandma went so far as to suggest: “You can at least find yourself a boyfriend!” This year, when Sheetal was in India in August, “strangely enough” no one posed the question “even though I had braced myself”. It was a watershed. “Maybe they’ve quit thinking about it [yay!] or maybe they feel it’s too late now, I’m over the hill [sigh] — but I am thrilled they have stopped bothering about my relationship status.”
The biggest upside of flying solo? “I can pick up my bag and head off anywhere in the world — anytime! I don’t need to align leave dates with my Significant Other, or take his permission.”
Canadian Abier Kadom believes singlehood is the “best place” she’s ever been in her life. She’s 34 and a single mom; a lot of folks “assume” she’s married, and she immediately disabuses them of that notion, and tells them she’s divorced. “Everything in life happens for a reason and, today, it’s a wonderful feeling when you feel complete and at peace just by yourself.” What helps, of course, is that more and more people are coming to terms with the fact that being “single” doesn’t mean “you’re lonely and living with 12 cats, eating out of a Ben & Jerry’s ice cream carton every night”. “It shows great strength in a person when they are able to navigate through life, relying solely on their own wants and needs, instead of depending on a partner to fill any type of void they may have,” Abier says. “If you look around at the many ‘married’ or ‘in a relationship’ friends and family [members], you don’t find all of them to be ‘genuinely’ happy. It takes a strong person to say that they’d rather be single and happy than compromise their individualism, perceptions, interests and values to be unhappy in a relationship.” She wouldn’t change a single thing about her single life.
Thirty-something Nikhil Narain feels a “cool single” will not try to frantically get hitched — but instead enjoy his freedom and “keep exploring and enjoying various diverse experiences”. He’s obviously cool himself, “loves being single”, loves the “emotional and intellectual bonds” he has established with friends/ peers/acquaintances “because I am single and not bound by anyone”. And he almost echoes Abier’s sentiments when he says, “People are realising that marriage [or a partnership] is not a guarantee for happiness — especially with divorce and separation becoming so common. Also, as women are becoming more independent, both economically and socially, they are realising if they cannot find the man they want, they’d rather stay happy single.”
But he also believes he’s far luckier than some of his friends: he’s never been compelled to let go of his single status by his family. “I come from a liberal and progressive family so I am free to marry/not marry/ live-in/stay single — do what I want with whoever I want to. Be happy and satisfied with my decision… And no, I do not think any family member is worried that I may end up alone!”
Dunja Romman, a German of Palestinian origin in Dubai, owes it partly to her dad that she’s single and loving it. “You don’t need a man to be happy,” he’s told her, and she “completely” agrees with him. “After all, behind every successful woman is — herself!” So, people pestering her about her “status” doesn’t bother her, even though “in my culture, it’s normal to get married at an early age”; and, luckily, “I think there has been a shift in attitudes lately.”
Dunja readily agrees a relationship can offer security and stability, but “being single has a lot of advantages” too. “I feel free, independent, I don’t have to worry about anyone else and, best of all, nobody causes me a headache, no arguments, no never-ending discussions, constant nagging and fighting over small things. You live in the moment and you can use the quality time to spend it with family and friends.”
Any advice to singles as we all gear up to embrace a brand new year? “I think happiness starts within oneself. I don’t think happiness is something that can be purely influenced by external factors — such as having a partner. Know yourself, know what you want and I believe everything else just falls into place the way it’s meant to be.” Oh yeah, and “always wear your invisible crown and count your blessings!”
In other words, as Mandy Hale wrote in Single is the New Fabulous, “Don’t put your life on hold waiting for love.” sushmita@khaleejtimes.com