Why there is no grace in boorishness

Have you ever noticed that there are two major natural chasms in the world? One is like the Colorado canyon and those crevasses into which mountaineers occasionally fall and disappear. Then there is the other one, namely, a massive credibility gap between what we think of ourselves and what people think of us. There used to be this old school lesson in which one of the kids was asked to draw a picture and then it was shown to the next kid and he had to draw the same picture from memory and his picture then went to the third kid and so it went till the last kid. And what do you know, there was no connect between his effort and the original. The idea was to show just how the truth and the lie were best buds and one could be transposed on the other.

We do it all the time. We have this impression of what we are, both physically and in our minds, as reflectors of a value system. So when we are arrogant, we believe we are humble. We are generous when we are actually stingy. We lie when we enshrine honesty. The list is long and wearisome. But the selfdeception is sculpted into armour and we wear it, both as protection and as an ornament, because we believe in it.

This belief is firmed through time and then nothing we do or say affects our image of ourselves. I recently met a man who has money pouring out of his pores. He bored me for several hours telling me his virtues of head and heart (his phrase, not mine) and dribbled on about how his mother gave him this incredible set of values and how, in her memory, he would be willing to commit hara-kiri before going against this saintly woman’s teachings. I would have burst into laughter except he was so serious in his intent and so singleminded in his devotion, that I had to keep a straight face. Everything he does is an antithesis to what he professes. His staff stick pins into his image. His relatives tell you he is exactly the opposite. I watch him over a dinner being insolent to the trembling waiter, rude to his chauffeur, ill-mannered and loutish to his minions — then he turns to me and says, ask my staff, they love me. You bet.

There are others who speak of charity and great deeds, whose only claim to wisdom is that it is flavoured by their wealth and still others who, like conceited cockerels, are convinced that the sun rises in deference to their crowing in the morning and that quite clearly, the thunder in the sky is applause for them.

Nothing shows off breeding and the lack of it than witnessing people being rude to those who serve them. Waiters, cleaners, cooks, drivers, that huge band of men and women who do your bidding in a grey and lustreless life — if you cannot be courteous to them and thank your stars you’ve been spared, you’re not a good person.

In my country, I see political entities behave with cast-iron arrogance demanding the most absurd courtesies and being miffed if they are not granted with instant gratification.

Money also creates the illusion of intellect and it can be truly funny. Since I am not usually the life of the party, and sit and sog like corn flakes, I find myself next to this lady who is ostensibly looking for herself. She is flashing diamonds and having exhausted her sortie in how you cannot trust the help these days and good ones are so difficult to find… this imperious lady now babbles on about her discovery of her Id. Say what? Yes, her Id. She is taking a class with others of her ilk where they discuss such awe inspiring subjects as locating themselves and what makes them tick.

“We have to say now, is it not time we asked ourselves, ‘who am I?’” she says, as her acolytes swoon with pride and admiration at her insightfulness, “What am I, where am I going, where have I come from, what do I stand for.” How about sheer drivel, daffodil? She probably considers herself a free spirit, a soaring intellect, unspoilt by her money, searching the cosmos diligently for an answer to the mysteries of the universe.

All of us have these perceptions about our image. Since most of us do not have the introspection to admit that we are not all to the manner born and often do not possess the basic requisites, what does come out from the end of the egg is caricature. A truly laughable entity. Just a stick figure. Then one day, people like this and that special person whom we saw screaming at the attendants in a 5-star patisserie for getting her cake order wrong (lady, if these are your only problems…) and demanding to see the GM, the MD, and the Chairman of the Board and that rich dude I mentioned earlier whose mama taught him values per se, they overhear the opposite. This is not the public image they thought they enjoyed. People see them through a different and not so pleasant prism and they are horrified. How do you think they react?

They mark it up to envy and the pranks of the green-eyed monster. It is amazing how this tribe fools themselves. It is never them, what can they do if the world is jealous or the praise their sycophants shower on them is acid with resentment.

Buy a reputation — no big deal, is it?