LoneLy and Hating it
Hectic lives, social media fuelling loneliness. The UK even appointed a Minister for Loneliness to deal with problem
We all feel lonely at times but it affects our lives in different ways. Natalie (name changed on request) is 38. She is mother to an 11-year-old. “My daughter has a busy schedule. Not only has her school hours increased, her evenings are filled up with extra-curricular activities. She doesn’t need me to drop her to birthday parties in the neighbourhood, not anymore. I feel I hardly see her,” Natalie confesses.
Vikram, 29 (name changed on request), is a successful entrepreneur. His calendar is filled with brunches, lunches, and dinners with clients and friends. He manages to show up for most social engagements, but once there, he is quick to find himself a seat in the corner. “I don’t feel like I belong in there.”
These are just some of the many people around us who are battling loneliness, knowingly and unknowingly. “It’s not like a flu or a headache
which one can easily identity or talk about comfortably. A Panadol (a medication used to treat pain) is a common off-the-counter drug, but warm-genuine company isn’t,” laments Vikram. These honest words shockingly sum up the times we’re living in.
Britain’s appointment of Tracey Crouch as the ‘Minister for Loneliness’ to tackle the isolation felt by more than one in ten people in the UK has again brought mental wellbeing to the fore. “For far too many people, loneliness is the sad reality of modern life,” said British Prime Minister Theresa May. Recent incidents brought mental health into focus. Recall the time when Madalyn Parker, an employee in Michigan, US, took two days off for her mental health. Her CEO Ben Congleton’s response — which
In the UAE, loneliness is multi-dimensional. It’s home to a huge expat population, who feel the disconnect at various levels — one-to-one, community, cultural, etc.” Rania Abdel Ghaffar, Happiness and relationships educator
was positive — went viral. Congleton also added: “It is incredibly hard to be honest about mental health in the workplace.” Or debates around the web series 13 Reasons Why. The hashtag #someoneislistening is still popular.
So what is loneliness?
“When you watch a film or read a book, you become one with the story and feel the emotions; you cry and laugh. The hormone that is produced during such experiences is called oxytocin, it’s the same hormone that helps a mother bond with her child as she breastfeeds after birth.
The release of oxytocin in the system is dependent on our bonds and relationships, and the lack of the latter in today’s modern and busy times is responsible for the modern day epidemic of loneliness in society,” says Rania Abdel Ghaffar, a UAE-based happiness and relationships educator.
Are we all suffering?
“People who come from large families and settle down here are the most affected,” says Rema Menon Vellat, director of Counselling Point, Training & Development, Dubai. The triggers for each person varies, like being excluded from an office party. Men and women are here for work and live by themselves. Women face it more. “Especially since women are better physical-psychological caregivers and receivers. Teenagers are victims too — their action of choosing to stay locked up (at home) and spending more time at home on screens than each other is sad,” adds Ghaffar.
Aditi Sharma, an HR head with a Dubai company, says that coming from a joint family and starting a new life in the UAE, alone, was a big change. “I missed my nosey neighbours, family and friends. Earlier, I always had someone around me and we were involved in various activities together. It was tough initially, but soon I figured out a way of what to do with my time and space; and it was a refreshing experience.”