Smile more, and find joy in the little things
This is the ‘squeaky door gets the oil’ era. The more people moan and groan, the more they get attention. The need to grumble, air grouses and only be happy when miserable, has become a lifestyle mandate.
Check it out for yourself. On a given day, how many things make you mad and how few fling a happy smile on your face? Being unhappy is the new normal and so many of us wear it like a badge of honour. It’s almost as if we would be letting the side down if we said we’re great. Oh, we say it: I am good. Life is good. All good. Have a good day... But even then, we say it so cheerlessly.
Complaining has become so much of a second nature that the odds are, if someone asks you how you are, you will tell them every itty-bitty detail of the terrible things that are happening to you… like the microwave is broken and you couldn’t get biz class seats to Geneva. These are problems, people? And you do not have to go to Facebook to read about the trials and tribulations of the ‘woe is me’ tribe, you hear them everywhere. Walk into a party and say, ‘How’s things?’ And the other party will say, ‘Bad, real bad, life is tough. Pass me the canapes. Hmmm, these kebabs are undercooked... too much salt, perhaps.’
We are more inclined to make a list of things that bother us and upset us and send us into road rage and fuel our dismay and even disgust. But stop one day when you are not diverted by negatives and write down all the positive things that slam into you daily that you don’t notice.
I was with a rich friend the other day and I said to him, you have a rose garden and it is impressive and reeks of wealth but you don’t ever stop to smell the roses. He said to me, ‘Yeah, yeah, if I stop, where is the guarantee I’ll be able to start again?’
That is a scary thought, isn’t it, this mad hurtle into nowhere, the visceral fear of losing out or being left behind even if you haven’t a clue what you are being left out of and why it is so important.
My friend (same rich fella) says it is all about that smug feeling that you are better off than others and how they envy you — it is a big high. Really? I don’t envy anyone. I never have. Is that a flaw? I may not be visibly happy for you if you are rolling in the lolly but I don’t envy you. Your car, your mansion, your private yacht — good on you, but no way do they excite envy.
Instead, I learnt a long time ago that stringing together little beads or what the Japanese call nen (the happy art of making little things important) gives you the biggest high of all.
Like pleasant taxi drivers. Warm, attentive service in a restaurant. A stranger returning a lost article. An empty seat next to you in economy. Immigration without any queue when you enter the terminal. Your bag coming first. A hundred dirham note discovered in last year’s winter coat. Children who are polite. Pets greeting you.
Nice things. Like the cool side of your pillow. A cheque that arrives on time. Kids saying, ‘anyone can be a father, but how many can be dads’. A fresh blade to shave with. Savouring a good book and wanting it not to end. Having your child get his first job and he or she acknowledging that you had a role to play in getting to that point.
Happy things. Like a well-cooked meal. Old friends getting together. A compliment from left field. A thank you note. Being recognised by your peers. A motorist letting you enter the mainstream. You allowing someone to do the same and he says thanks with a half salute. Getting freebies to a soldout concert. Being upgraded to biz class.
Watching your kids beat you to rise higher in life. Making friends on a plane and then staying in touch. Clearing a medical check up. Getting your driving licence. Being someone’s role model. Watching your country win. Getting a lump in the throat when the national flag goes up and the anthem plays.
Waking up in the morning thinking it is a working day... and it isn’t.
Warm, friendly things. Like discovering an old song you haven’t heard in yonks. ‘I did it my way…’ Doing it your way. Watching a video about when the kids were young and so were you. Trying out a recipe after a long time and it comes out picture perfect.
Laughing at yourself. Just laughing. Finding the funny side of serious stuff. A good book.
Solitude. An evening that stretches into night and it is all yours to savour without distraction.
Getting a true bargain in shopping. Winning a raffle, even if it is the tenth prize. Good company that doesn’t make you miserable, doesn’t hurt, score points or try to get one up on you.
Winning the war against technology. Like recovering matter from the computer screen that you thought had gone forever. Getting WhatsApps from way back. Finding your mobile phone isn’t broken after it falls from way up high.
Resisting temptation. Staying within your budget. Finishing paying a loan. Giving up smoking and actually sticking to it. Losing weight and the scales agreeing with you. Feeling well.
Family at home, evenings. Companionable silences. Making up after a good argument. A good cry at the movies. Chocolate. A hot water bath where the hot water doesn’t end. Your first snowfall. A child’s laughter. Finding a pen when you need to take down a message. Cheesecake. Cream. Fast food. The delicious guilt that goes with it all.
A good workout. Snatching victory when you thought you would lose. Being praised by a stalwart. Doing what people say you cannot do.
Holding someone’s hand and helping them up. Being generous. Being there.
Nice new bills from the ATM. A window seat in the Metro. Someone to receive you at a strange airport in a strange land. Waiting for a call... and it comes. Staying in a swank hotel. Having oysters and caviar at someone else’s expense.
Looking at yourself in the mirror... and liking yourself. Why ever not?
I learnt a long time ago that stringing together little beads or what the Japanese call nen (the happy art of making little things important) gives you the biggest high of all