How about we add a little colour to this weekend?

Did you know, there are only eleven unambiguous colours on the planet? No idea what that means, but I read it somewhere, and it sounds impressive. It is the sort of thing you can say in a group of people and come off sounding intellectual and profound, and nobody will have the courage to say, what the heck are you talking about, what is an ambiguous colour? Instead, they will say things like, uhmmm, really, I thought they were twelve. And someone else will say, no, no, ten because white does not count, and a third one will say, it does count, and they will get into an argument, which, I guess is also unambiguous.

It was at one such session that I decided to mess around with colours and ask some leading questions about why we have treated them so badly and ignored colours like maroon, magenta and cyan.

Remember the acronym VIBGYOR and the seven colours it stood for when the rainbow arced over the horizon and we got so excited? Well, violet is not unambiguous… no wonder it is in depression.

You might come to the conclusion that this is not a serious article. Actually, it is a defence of colours, seeing as how they cannot speak for themselves. And if we do not fight the good fight for them, who will? Okay, as I see it, colours also have rights.

Why is green the colour of envy? Why not red? No one turns green unless they are sea sick, right? So how come certain colours are associated with certain states of mind. Guess green kicked into place because William Shakespeare made Othello pal up with the green-eyed monster and that was that. And yet, despite being given a bad name, it is the colour of money.

Like yellow. Why are cowards called by that colour? There is yellow, a nice little colour in itself, done nothing to you, and suddenly it has been ridden through the dust without any reason. Some connection with jaundice, I reckon, but it is a lot more literal — tracing back to the genuinely yellow-bellied sapsucker — though, what gutless act that poor little bird committed is not known. Yet, now you think yellow, you think dirty fellow and the rhyme has wrecked its reputation.

Then, there is the racist pink of health probably having its roots in the English rose and peaches and cream complexions that quite defeat the purpose when we are as brown as nuts or even darker. I wouldn’t look pink even if my health was A plus. I would glow tan.

And speaking of brown, why is one browned off when in a foul mood? Why can’t we be another colour, when life is giving us a bad time, like you know what? I am ‘violeted’ by your attitude. See? Refreshingly new and almost sounds nasty. Brown nosing is bad enough when you are sucking up to the boss but why the colour of the earth?

Black and white are hugely hostile colours, citadels of prejudice. White knight, white ideals, mighty white of you. Except for whitewash which may sound negative but isn’t really. In reverse, black deed, blackmail, blackball, blackout, blackguard, black heart. See, it’s so deeply ingrained that even in 2018, pigment and language conspire together and create divides.

That is something to feel blue over, but why blue why not ochre? Seeing as how it is the colour of the sunlit sky, you would think it would be all bright and happy, instead of gloomy, but even the music is off-colour... ha ha, that’s a good one. And artists have a blue period which means their canvases are all sad and maudlin.

People turn purple with rage, why not scarlet? One can understand the red rag enraging you because what’s good for the bull is cool by us, but why is red a sign of danger when it has done nothing to harm you? You can see red (as blood gushes to your head and blurs your vision) when that cretin in the SUV swerves in front of you and surges forward on the road, but otherwise, we have given it a hard time. Suddenly, green who was on the backfoot, becomes the good guy.

Now, orange you glad this article is over?

You might conclude that this is not a serious article. Actually, it is a defence of colours, seeing as how they cannot speak for themselves. If we do not fight the good fight for them, who will? As I see it, colours also have rights