Is a device babysitting your children?
My daughter’s first word was ‘battery’ — “bat-ri!” — not “ma” or “mama”. Kids have subtly managed to show some parents’ their place. In some cases, devices, to a large extent, have become proxy parents.
Some parents take pride in boasting about how their kids learnt to use devices even before they could hold milk bottles on their own. No sooner are infants given tablets loaded with nursery rhymes that they are hooked to gaming. The device babysits the kids.
One day, I saw my daughter (aged 10) sitting with her phone as she did her homework. My eyes popped out. I questioned her, why do you need a device when you are studying? She said, “We have a WhatsApp group. My friends and I exchange notes. Besides, I need Google or Siri to explain concepts when you are not around.”
I know a parent who has decided to stay away from gadgets on weekends — including smartphones — unless there is an emergency. Reason? The kid is addicted to the device so he is setting a precedent. There are such people, setting healthy examples. But most parents I know struggle to find the balance ground between the real and virtual world.
Karishma Bhansali Mehta, a journalist and Dubai-based mother of two, who recently started a YouTube channel on parenting, says she’s glad both her boys are into sports so she isn’t too troubled about her kids being ‘babysat’ by technology, but can commiserate with parents torn between giving kids the iPad or to entertain them themselves. “There is a constant device battle in our household,” she says. “As the kids grow, they need their devices for school work as well, so it is increasingly hard to draw the line. While there is plenty of good content for kids to gain from, my issue is that they get hooked and it’s the addiction factor. Luckily for us, my boys are majorly into sports and Lego and books, so it helps. My elder one will choose three hours of cricket over the iPad anytime!”
It doesn’t help matters in this case that the UAE has an almost 99 per cent internet penetration of smart phones, according to research from a university based in the Middle East. Almost 97 per cent use mobile data and 57 per cent use Wi-Fi. I spoke to some parents to learn what they had to say, and whether they were any solutions to this modern-day malaise?
Sarah Bentley, managing director of Flume Marketing, spoke about limiting screen time. “It is so easy for gadgets to end up babysitting your kids, and it’s the responsibility of parents to ensure that doesn’t happen. We can do this by limiting screen time to the weekends only and by ensuring that they only access age appropriate websites”. She says, all parents should know how to set the right security settings for their children and monitor that regularly. “I don’t believe that kids these days are any more demanding than the generations before them, but I do think life in general is more demanding than it was before, which can make it difficult for parents”. Advocating time away from screens, she says, “It’s important to allow children to explore and play using their imaginations and giving them time to learn and experience the joy of being in nature, playing with animals, interacting with other children and their family. Even 15 minutes a day is better than nothing at all.”
Kids would be relieved to know that there are several parents ‘on their side’. Like Kazmeen Rafik, a homemaker, she raises valid points. She wasn’t averse to introducing her kids to technlogy, nor does she see it as a threat. Kazmeen believes in the advantages of ‘quality media’. “Both my kids know more about gadgets than I do. And I believe it is important to let kids explore gadgets, just like we encourage them to read books and play with toys. Devices are a boon to the younger generation as children learn so many things. It also makes learning fun and engages kids in exploring and problemsolving. From downloading games, to finding the meanings of tricky word, it’s all just a click away... It does have its drawbacks, but if you restrict your children at home from using them, they will use it in school or at a friend’s home.”
She adds, “I believe it is important to introduce quality media, and when my kids were ready, I did, while making sure they were not sacrificing time for homework, physical activity, family, or friends.”
Rafik raises the important point of preparing the kids for careers that weren’t an option even 10-15 years ago so that they won’t be ‘left behind’. “Today, children are considering what we would consider ‘non-careers’ in our day like becoming a YouTuber or a vlogger. My son, through tutorials online, has leart to edit videos. That is, in effect, him learning a skill. Even in schools, teaching techniques are related to gadgets, so our children have to be knowledgeable”. She tells me that parents needs to strike a balance and I agree with her: “It’s difficult, not impossible.”
Mohammad Meraj Hoda, managing director, Ring, allows ‘gadget babysitting’ “only when I require no distractions”. He says, “As the adage goes, an excess of anything is bad, and technology is no exception. In fact, gadgets have simplified my life as a parent. Now, my kids do all their homework on tablets, and I have access to their curriculum and can monitor the progress even when I’m travelling. My wife and I, generally draw the boundaries for our two kids, Ibrahim, aged nine, and Aayat, aged four. We emphasise pleasant and cooperative behaviour at home. As I travel a lot, whenever I am home, I try to connect with them and sometimes spoil them. Tantrums and whining are dealt with empathy but with a firm no. Sometimes it is difficult when their friends have the latest gadgets and accessories and they don’t, but for their betterment and emotional flexibility, they need to learn that they cannot have everything.”
Echoing similar views, Ahmad (Hamoodi) Hrib, art director, OMD UAE said: “These days, gadgets are used not just as babysitters but also as a substitute for parenting and human interaction. It drives me crazy when I see children with devices all the time. The minute they get into a car, DVD players come on, or when they sit in a restaurant (even outdoors), they play on their iPads or iPhones. What happened to looking out of the window? Talking and having fun? Reading a book?”
As for me, well, being a techie myself, I love gadgets. And our daughter has access to everything, but it’s not a priority in her life. I would rather she play a board game or spend time with the family. The one time I wish parents would use technology is in restaurants. Take an iPad or laptop along to keep the kids occupied so that the rest of us can eat in peace. Don’t forget the headphones. We don’t need to hear what you are watching or listening to. Kids mimic parents, so maybe we need to get off your devices and spend some time with the kids.
Sometimes it is difficult when their friends have the latest gadgets and accessories and they don’t, but for their betterment and emotional flexibility, they need to learn that they cannot have everything