Learn to ditch negative thoughts for a happier life
Your next vacation is months in advance, and as you make your hotel and air reservations, an annoying thought creeps into your consciousness. What if someone in your group gets sick and you’re not able to go? Or maybe you’re planning to visit a part of the world that’s prone to storms and/ or earthquakes. What if one of those calamities strikes? You would definitely feel bad for the people whose lives are disrupted by these horrific events, but you couldn’t help but feel cheated out of a good time by factors outside of your control should these occur.
Thinking ahead to an event that should be enjoyable with these annoying feelings of trepidation can undoubtedly detract from the pleasure of the experience altogether. Part of the fun of such pleasant events as going on vacation, attending a wedding, or seeing a concert or play is the thrill you get of counting down as the big day gets closer. By the same token, after the event is over, you can now think back on it with pleasure. Even worse, while in the midst of what should be a pleasurable occasion, you find it impossible not to think that it will soon end.
These types of ruminations fall into the category of common mindset traps in your “mental time travel.” As noted by University of Exeter, UK, psychologist Barnaby Dunn and colleagues, “much of our conscious life” is taken up by this type of thinking. The authors note that when the mental time travel takes on a negative cast, people will not work as hard to get the rewards associated with pleasant events, nor will they learn from their experiences. To be able to regulate your motivation, they argue, you should be able to “anticipate, experience, and remember positive affect”. If you can’t, those events you so eagerly await, and remember, will lose their ability to enhance your happiness.
The tendency to dwell on the negative in imagining the future or remembering the past is a hallmark of depression. By using a “dampening appraisal,” of your experiences, you’ll feel less of the hedonic pleasure that gives so much zest to life.
Let’s take a look, then, at what those dampening appraisals consist of. See how much you agree with these seven statements with regard to the way you feel about a positive event in your life:
• Think about things that could go wrong.
• Think “I don’t deserve this.”
• Think “My streak of luck is going to end soon.”
• Remind yourself that these feelings won’t last.
• Think about the things that have not gone well for you.
• Think about how hard it is to concentrate.
• Think “People will think I am bragging.”
If you’re agreeing more than you’re disagreeing with these statements, it means you will have trouble finding joy in your experiences. When you dredge up these thoughts as you plan an event, you’re priming yourself to let your thoughts wander in a pessimistic direction.
We don’t know exactly why people who engage in negative prognostication or recall allow their dampening appraisals to take over. But fulfillment in your day-to-day experiences involves getting the most out of them, both before and after they occur. By learning to avoid the jinx trap, yours will be that much more enjoyable.
By using a “dampening appraisal,” of your experiences, you’ll feel less of the hedonic pleasure that gives so much zest to life.