It’s okay to be alone, why should people be judged for lonely pursuits?

arShi ayub MohaMMed Zaveri

I just happened to discuss prospective travel plans with a group of people the other day when one of them, after expressing interest in visiting Cape Town, remarked, “But I have to find someone to go with — I’m not going to travel there by myself. Nobody does that”. The same afternoon, I walked into a cafe with a colleague to grab lunch and upon seeing an acquaintance there eating alone, my colleague commented, “Ah he’s by himself. Maybe we can say hi. No one should have to eat alone. That’s depressing.”

I fail to understand that why is it socially unacceptable to do things by yourself? And why is it always presumed that people don’t want to do things by themselves? We, as humans, we are socially bound and are inherently inclined to be around people and blossom in community. Hence, it is only natural that we want to share our experiences with others and socialise. However, it bewilders me as to why the idea that someone wants to do something alone is entirely offbeat? Alright, by societal norms, activities such as eating out or seeing a movie are termed as social activities to be enjoyed with others, but seeing someone out and about on their own does not equate to him or her being lonely, or having no friends. More specifically, I think we, as humans are perfectly entitled to simply not be in the mood to entertain someone throughout an activity or socialise in a generic stint. Frankly is it really so risible that someone decides to ride solo for an evening and appreciate a meal alone? Throughout the day, we’re invariably staring at screens of all shapes and sizes, and being bombarded with stimuli through them and it grows exhausting whether one is an introvert or extrovert. And finally, we all need a little “me” time. Often, I spend time by my thoughts and myself in the form of a lazy weekend watching Netflix and binging on some pizza! I happen to just simply appreciate that very moment of withdrawal. What’s so wrong about that? Nothing at all. All of us do it. Maybe there is another explanation for why doing things alone has a social stigma. As people we tend to project our own tendencies onto others, particularly in situations we view negatively and I believe that the people with the greatest aversion to doing things alone are incredibly uncomfortable by the idea of the ones who cannot be in solitude with their minds. For reasons I can’t say I know, but they seem to move through life from one distraction to the next, from screen to screen. Being alone with your mind, however, is one of the greatest things for your soul. Personally, I find real pleasures in doing things by myself. Another is, of course, the freedom to operate on a flexi schedule. If you truly want to do something, why should the prospect of doing it alone be an obstacle to your will? In the end, the connection you have with that object or goal is what matters.

Take a walk by the beach or enjoy a nice dinner. Doing things alone eventually dissipates the feeling of self-consciousness in public places and fosters self-awareness instead. It takes a degree of confidence and initiative to do things solo, of which one should be proud. I certainly am. And if I’m going to be frowned upon because I’m eating some cheesecake alone right now then, well. So be it ;)