Are you raising your children the same way you were brought up?
When a child is raised by a narcissistic parent, they may become orbital to the parent — focused on meeting the parents needs and losing their own sense of identity in the process. However, some children of narcissistic parents become narcissists themselves and it’s easy to understand why.
When you’re raised in a family where the emphasis is on being better, brighter, more beautiful, and richer than everyone else, you may internalise these values. This is how the world is, isn’t it? Mum or dad has brought you up with the belief that unless you make people laugh the hardest, or wear the best clothes or go to the most expensive school, then you’re not worth as much as you might otherwise be. “Success” is measured by these external markers and if you were raised in this type of environment, it’s no wonder you may place a high value on these types of external markers too.
Another reason why children of narcissists may become narcissists themselves is because they learned long ago that, in order to be deserving of love and attention from their parent, they could do so by being an extension of their parent’s efforts to be the best. This isn’t the case for all children of narcissists — some parents want their children to remain in the background, orbiting around them — but some bask in the glow of their children’s attainments.
If you have been raised by a narcissistic parent, it can take a long time to realise that you are raising your own children in the same way. It may well be that it’s not until you face problems in your own life – such as being under pressure to act in a particular way, unsatisfactory relationships or a sense of lacking a deep sense of self and security which is derived internally rather than externally — that you identify the negative impact that being raised by a narcissistic parent has had on your life. If you are at this stage, this is the first step in breaking the narcissistic legacy and ensuring that subsequent generations of your family adopt very different values.