Dial M for misery
When the lockdown is over, we might just keep it a secret from a few people. Sorry, we are not entertaining, still keeping a distance (been wanting to do that for years where you were concerned, never had the courage), extra careful, you know.
That said, there are some fallouts of the stay-home syndrome that I will miss. Being one of those who regularly and hopefully sees blue ticks on WhatsApp and no one replies and senior important personages are never in their seats when I call or they are in a meeting and cannot be disturbed (why would I disturb them?), the Covid-19 era has been nicely enlightening in the sense that ‘fonefibbing’ is out of fashion. It just will not work.
You live in a two bedsitter, 35 by 25, where are you going to when I come from you? Come on, pick up the flipping phone, you are in lockdown, so cut the crap.
Okay, so you are one of those rich sods in this huge villa and your wife, children, the domestic help have been primed to lie for you and they say something stupid like oh, he is having a bath (at 2.30 in the afternoon) and you say that’s fine, I can wait, after all, how long will he be?
They can even try to use that old sleep tactic. Oh, he is sleeping. At 5pm, well, didn’t the ring wake him up, it’s cool, will call back in half an hour, and if he is still asleep, I will repeat the telephonic performance in another 30 minutes.
‘Fonefibbing’ is an art and not everyone can aspire to be an expert. But Covid-19 has kind of flattened that field and made it equal. Now, you cannot escape it in its most insidious form, the audio-visual option, that profoundly mean invasion of privacy. All over the world, adult children patiently listening to Mum and Dad asking them how the day went, love to hear all the details, who is that with you. Parents also checking up on their student kids. We called you, no answer, aren’t you practising social distancing, please be careful.
And the boss wanting a sudden Zoom meeting and you are not looking your best, not even your fourth best. And you cannot ignore it because yes, you are staying home.
Don’t call me, I’ll call you... and you had better answer.
I know you are there.