How to handle teenagers’ ‘rebel’ years
At 9am on February 25, the Dubai Police received a call from a distressed family who couldn’t find their 16-yearold daughter. Later on the same night — after going missing the entire day — she was found on the roof of their house. Media sources quoted the Dubai Police as saying the teenager was reportedly upset after her parents took her mobile away for getting bad grades.
The incident sparked discussions, with psychologists and teachers sharing their insights on how parents can develop healthy relationships with their children, particularly teenagers.
Teenage years is a period that could be full of “stress and storm”, said Dr Alka Kalra, an educational psychologist and director of EduScan Institute. Nevertheless, it is a crucial phase for every individual, considering the physiological, biological and emotional changes a person goes through during this stage.
“There should be a parent-child partnership where parents should not act like a boss but a friend. And for this, they should start nurturing their relationship with their child from the early years so the child begins to communicate with them,” said Dr Alka.
“What is needed right now is the right kind of parenting where there is a balance between freedom and
Parents should not act like a boss but a friend. And for this, they should start nurturing their relationship with their child from the early years.” Dr Alka Kalra, educational psychologist
control. This can be achieved only through what we call ‘democratic parenting’...where there is a partnership between the two parties and they achieve a level trust and understanding between them.”
Teenage years have been associated with ‘experimental years’, the expert said. “Hence, it is the time when you acknowledge the fact that it is okay if our growing teens make mistakes, for they have a future ahead of them to rectify those mistakes.”
Single mother Nighat Sultana — who has three teenagers, aged 14 to 18 — said she makes it a point to be her kids’ friend, making them aware of their responsibilities and their future.
“My eldest one, Ali, who will be turning 18 this year, is very calm and so is my teenage daughter Mahnoor, but their younger brother Ehsan, 15, is a bit hyper. When he gets agitated, I sit with him and ask him to place himself in my shoes and decide what should be done. My tone calms him down and he listens,” Sultana said.
“I try to remind them of their good qualities and how they can further hone it. As I talk, I also mention their weak points subtly and ask them to improve as it will hurt them in the long run.”
Lizzy Thomson, a working mum raising two teenagers, said she and her husband ensure that they are involved in whatever their kids do.
“I have gotten my two children — son Daniel, 15, and daughter Naiomi, 16 — in this habit of making schedules so they get into a routine. It is easy for them when I have posted a task for them and then they do it. When I check their tasks and find them completed, my husband and I celebrate those small moments by either taking them out or buying them something.”
Amid the pandemic, Lizzy said her kids had to make certain adjustments as they were unable to catch up with friends or socialise. This is why, now, she makes the extra effort to be their friend.“Being a friend does not make me less firm. I explain things and consequences to them and they understand.”