Is it love?
A LOT OF STUDIES HAVE BEEN CONDUCTED OVER THE YEARS TO FIND OUT WHY TWO PEOPLE CLICK
Love is many things: butterflies and giggles, happiness and comfort, commitment and best friendship. But love, alas, is not easy to find.
How and why do two people click? We dug into years of psychological research to find some answers. And in the process, we busted some myths and learned that certain clichés turn out to be actually true.
If you play hard to get.
A 2014 study found that men in a speeddating experiment wanted a woman more when she played hard-to-get by acting disinterested in the men’s questions. But these findings only applied in certain situations. Specifically, the men had to feel “committed” to the woman, which in this study meant that they’d chosen her as their partner, instead of being assigned to her.
It’s also worth noting that, even though the men wanted the woman more when she played hard to get, they liked her less. Alas, love is complicated.
If you display the right facial expression.
Happiness is generally attractive on women — but not so much on men.
In 2011, researchers conducted experiments on more than 1,000 people, showing them
photographs of members of the opposite sex and asking them how attractive the people in the photos were.
Results showed that men rated women most attractive when they looked happy and least attractive when they displayed pride. Women, on the other hand, rated men most attractive when they displayed pride and least attractive when they looked happy.
Interestingly, shame was pretty attractive in both men and women.
If you use a lot of hand gestures.
Looking for love? Put yourself out there.
Literally — fill up the physical space around you with hand gestures and an expansive posture. In one 2016 study, researchers observed men and women in speed-dating sessions. Results showed that people were twice as likely to say that they wanted to see their partners again when those partners moved their hands and arms, compared to when their partners sat still.
If you’re really, really similar to them.
Decades of studies have shown that the cliché that “opposites attract” is totally off.
“Partners who are similar in broad dispositions, like personality, are more likely to feel the same way in their day-today lives,” said Gian Gonzaga, lead author of a study of couples who met on eharmony. “This may make it easier for partners to understand each other.”
If you stare into each other’s eyes for two minutes.
University of Massachusetts psychologist
Joan Kellerman asked 72 unacquainted undergrads to pair off and stare into each other’s eyes for two minutes.
“They later reported they had increased feelings of passionate love and affection towards the other person,” Scientific American reports. “This suggests that long periods of eye contact can connect you to someone and even ignite feelings of love inside you for that person you have never previously met.”
If you respond to their ‘bids’ for attention and they do the same for you.
Starting — and growing — a relationship seems to largely depend on how people attend to one another.
Over 40 years of studying couples, psychologist John Gottman says it’s a matter of “bids.” For example, if a bird-loving wife points out to her husband that a goldfinch just flew landed in a nearby tree, he can “turn away” from her by dismissing the remark or “turn toward” her by sharing her enthusiasm.
If you take care of a dog.
In a 2014 experiment, 100 women read vignettes about men.
Whenever the story featured a man who owned a dog, women rated that man as a more suitable long-term partner than a cad who didn’t own a dog. The researchers concluded that owning a pet signals that you’re nurturing and capable of making long-term commitments. It can also help you appear more relaxed, approachable, and happy.
Not into pet ownership? The good news is simply being seen with a dog can make you seem more dateable. In one 2008 study, a 20-yearold man approached hundreds of women and asked for their phone numbers. When he had a dog with him, he was much more likely to score their digits.
If you are equally or less good-looking compared to them.
In a 1996 study, each participant was rated on physical attractiveness and then randomly assigned to date another participant. Then, participants were asked to rate their satisfaction with their dates. The participants who were more attractive were harsher in their judgments — even if they were both equally attractive. The better looking someone was, the less satisfied they were likely to be.
But this only applies to the really attractive people. For the rest of us, according to the matching hypothesis, we are more likely to love those who are equally as attractive as we are.