Women at risk from rogue ‘matchmakers’
Lack of government regulation ‘a danger to Emirati society’
ABU DHABI // Matchmaking businesses are no longer overseen by government regulators, which experts say poses a risk to Emirati society.
After last year’s Cabinet reshuffle, the Ministry of Social Affairs became the Ministry of Community Development, and its responsibility for overseeing matchmakers was dropped.
“Matchmaking offices must be under a government and a social entity,” said Fatima Al Dhaheri, who has more than 30 years’ experience working in social services and family development for the Government.
“They cannot be left unregulated because many have turned into a prostitution business. The matchmaker asks the girl for her picture and then shows it to a man. If he likes it, the matchmaker gives him the girl’s number in exchange for money. This is completely against our religion and culture.
“I have heard horror stories that happened to my daughters and friends of mine.
“Matchmaking offices should be non-profit and run by a UAE national with experience. They should be used to help solve the growing problem of divorce and unmarried Emirati women, instead of being used for profit.” Umm Ahmed has been a matchmaker for eight years and does not ask for money for the service she provides.
“There are so many of us online. They keep increasing every day and it’s become a problem because many of them are unethical,” said Umm Ahmed, 60.
“I never show the men pictures and if they are interested, I give them the father’s or mother’s number. Why should he talk to the girl directly? If he is serious he can talk to her male relatives and they can set a date to meet.
“I have daughters and I would not want this for them, so why do it to others?”
Umm Ahmed said it was preferable for clients and matchmakers to be Emiratis.
“Emirati matchmakers will care about the reputation of other Emirati women but other nationalities don’t,” she said.
“They give out the pictures of the girls and their personal details. This is something that no Muslim in a country in the world would accept.” Vanessa Jensen, owner of Matchmaking Marriage Bureaux Services in Dubai, said she had many Emirati clients. “Emiratis come to me because this is a clean, intellectual and good way to find someone with whom they are compatible.
“They’ve tried family marriages one or a few times and don’t want to be married based on their family’s wishes. This time they want to try to find someone with whom they’re compatible.” Ms Jensen charges between Dh16,000 and Dh105,000 for her services, but does not accept clients who want second wives without telling the first wife.
Khalifa Al Mehrezi, a Dubai Courts counsellor, said authorities such as the Marriage Fund or the Women’s Foundation should take on the role to make it a regulated social service. Left unregulated, it could become a disaster for society in the long run. Umm Mohammed said she resorted to a matchmaker after her daughter turned 30.
“Her father and I were getting worried. No one was asking for her hand and she was a spinster,” said the mother, who paid the matchmaker Dh5,000.
“The first suitor came to our house alone and saw my daughter,” Umm Mohammed said. “When he left, the matchmaker said he would come again with his father. My daughter dressed up and we prepared a feast and we all waited.”
The suitor did not show. “He sent a message saying that he was looking for a thinner wife. My daughter was devastated.”
The same thing happened with the second suitor, only he said his first wife found out and took his car keys so he could not leave.
Her daughter married a third suitor, but he was abusive and a criminal, so she divorced him and remarried a year later. “This time it was without a matchmaker and she is very happy.
“Everyone tells you they know someone who went through a matchmaker and is very happy. “I’ve never seen it.” The Ministry of Community Development said it could not comment.
‘ Emiratis come to me because this is a clean, intellectual and good way to find someone with whom they are compatible Vanessa Jensen owner of Matchmaking Marriage Bureaux Services