Spotlight shines on Oman’s mixed marriages
▶ Cultural differences pose problems for foreigners wed to nationals
Pamela Al Subhi makes sure she wears a headscarf and a longer skirt than usual when she visits her in-laws. They live in the rural town of Al Hamra in Al Dakhliya region, which is one of the most conservative areas of Oman.
Her father and mother inlaw are nice to her, but their neighbours look at her with scorn every time she walks in the streets with her Omani husband.
Born Pamela De Santos in Portugal, she changed her last name to fit in with the local culture in an attempt to be accepted. But she feels her efforts may have been futile.
“I don’t think I will be ever accepted in my husband’s hometown,” said Mrs Al Subhi, 31. “We have been married only for seven months and we already feel the stress.
“I am all right with my inlaws, but they also feel the pressure from their relatives for having their son married to a European.”
Cultural differences pose a big challenge for foreigners married to Omanis. Statistics show about 35 per cent of such marriages in the past 10 years have ended in divorce.
For couples that stay together, life is a constant challenge as they defy conservatism in Omani society while trying to live in harmony with both cultures.
Rosy Garcia, 43, from the Philippines, married her Omani husband in 2010 and they have two children. The couple met in 2009, two years after Ms Garcia came to work in the sultanate as a housemaid. Her life has been far from rosy since then.
“I will always be the housemaid to my in-laws although I never worked in their houses,” Ms Garcia says. “They look down at me just because I was once a domestic help.
“I try to please them for the sake of my husband, but I don’t think I will ever match their expectations.”
Marriage counsellors say the law does not help couples in mixed marriages.
Omanis wishing to marry foreign nationals need to satisfy many conditions before they can get permission. After that, the foreign spouse must wait 10 years to be eligible for Omani nationality. Some have been waiting longer.
“The government is not encouraging mixed marriages,” said Dr Habsia Al Naabi, a marriage counsellor.
“For those who get a permit to get married, the foreign spouse will wait for a long time to get a passport and that puts extra pressure, apart from the cultural factor, on the couples.”
Five years ago, representatives on Oman’s elected Shura Council discussed the issue of a growing number of men choosing non-Omani women as their wives.
They argued in a televised debate in 2012 that the trend of mixed marriages was leading to a demographic imbalance in the sultanate, as more Omani women were unable to find husbands.
In 2013, the Shura Council recommended the government set up a marriage fund to give 4,000 rials (Dh39,510) each to young Omani men, especially those earning less than 800 rials a month, who married Omani women.
But the government has yet to approve the fund, mainly because of falling revenue from oil.
“The Shura Council wanted to help young Omanis on lower income with the wedding costs,” Dr Al Naabi said. “Weddings in Oman cost a lot of money.
“It is the parents of the brides who normally demand to have lavish receptions and big dowries. This is one of the reasons Omani men find foreign women cheaper to get married to than Omani women.”
She said the average cost of a wedding was about 12,000 rials.
Moroccan-born Samia Zakaria, 36, has two children with her Omani husband. But she also has an 11-year old son from a previous marriage who has foreign status even though he was born in Oman.
“Since the father of my other two children is Omani, they have been granted Omani citizenship,” Mrs Zakaria said. “But my child from the first marriage will never get citizenship since his father was non-Omani.
She and her son live in Oman with Moroccan passports.
“When he is 18, he needs to find a job or leave the country,” Mrs Zakaria said. “Where would he go? His father died three years ago. It is something that gives me a constant headache.”