HOW TO MAKE FRIENDS AND CONNECT WITH PEOPLE

Justin Thomas, associate professor of psychology at Zayed University, offers some practical tips for building relationships

Volunteer

One thing we can do is volunteer to help other people, ideally through a charity. Be the friend to others that you would wish to have for yourself (loyal, generous, selfless, dependable). Offer those qualities to those who need and will appreciate them.

Address underlying issues

If the loneliness is due to social anxiety, get a self-help book such as Overcoming Social Anxiety and Shyness, by Dr Gillian Butler. Try cognitive therapy for social phobias, or work with a well-trained professional to discuss what could be holding you back in social situations.

Don’t be a workaholic

Sometimes when people are forced to stop working for holidays or through redundancy, they feel very lonely because they have no human connectivity outside the workplace. Jobs, like drugs, can mask problems. Routinely review the balance and relationship between family, friends, work commitments, and personal goals and values.

Focus on quality

The old cliché that “you can be lonely in a room full of people” is true: you can be sociable and still be lonely. In fact, that is the worst kind of loneliness – feeling disconnected amidst a sea of faces. Focus on relationships that are nourishing, rather than building a lot of connections.

Beware social media

Social media can keep us connected, but that is not always a good thing. For example, it can artificially prolong unhelpful relationships. It also makes social comparison easy – seeing lots of other people enjoying good connections can make loneliness harder to bear.

Reframe

Re-evaluate the loneliness; see it as the calm before the social storm. Use the “metime” productively before you are swamped with demanding family and friends. Being alone can be glorious, enjoyable and health promoting.