Church counsellors there to help with life a long way from home
Church trains volunteers to deal with problems such as long-distance marriages, loneliness and work stress
Religious leaders in Dubai are being trained in counselling to keep up with an influx of residents turning to them for advice.
Father Reinhold Sahner, the parish priest at St Francis of Assisi Catholic Church in Jebel Ali, said many members of the congregation came forward as they struggled with the pressures of life in Dubai.
“One of the most common problems we hear from parishioners is they are having problems with their marriages because their partner is back home with the family while they are working here alone,” Mr Sahner said.
“Long-distance marriages can be really challenging as they lead to loneliness and in some cases despair.”
Mr Sahner said it was not uncommon for people far away from their partners to develop feelings for someone else.
“It is hard to have a close and intimate married life when the two parties are living in separate countries,” he said. “It is often the case that the one who is living in this country falls in love with someone here. It is not unusual that the partner back home falls in love with another person as well.”
It is not just the sense of familiarity that has some turning to the church for counselling. Many parishioners are facing financial difficulties and cannot always afford professional counselling.
“Loss of work is a major concern,” Mr Sahner said.
He said the increase in money troubles was directly related to an increase in parish numbers in recent years.
“We have found a lot of people are moving to this side of Dubai in the last couple of years,” Mr Sahner said. “A lot of parishioners have left areas like Downtown Dubai because the rents are more affordable here, and it is closer to work.”
Raising a family far from home and maintaining a strong sense of identity were other common problems.
“When parents are well rooted in their own culture it can be difficult to raise children in Dubai, which is a totally different culture,” Mr Sahner said.
“It is a challenge to bridge the cultural differences and be a citizen of Dubai while maintaining the identity from back home.”
The workplace is a major source of stress, he said. Arguments with co-workers and quarrels with the boss are the most common complaints.
But it is not just the priests at St Francis’s who help parishioners with their problems.
“The counselling is an essential part of our work and it is not only done by us fathers,” he said. “In the past three years we have educated church volunteers in counselling.
“In many ways, they go through the same problems and situations as the people seeking counselling, whereas us fathers can be a little isolated from those issues.”
But there is a still large proportion of the parish who insist on sharing their problems with a priest.
“People come and talk to the priest because they know it is a little bit like confession,” Mr Sahner said. “For some people there is a large portion of shame in admitting they have a problem, which is why they might prefer to seek out a priest to confide in.”
Counselling professionals in Dubai say they are not surprised to hear residents are increasingly seeking such help.
Farah Lodi, chief executive of Moving Forward Consulting Services, said the absence of an extended family for some residents can lead to strong feelings of isolation.
“The nature of expatriate living means that couples leave behind their primary emotional support structure at home,” Ms Lodi said.
“They don’t typically have their parents, aunts, uncles or old friends around to talk to or rely on in times of need. This can lead to a feeling of isolation and even helplessness.”
She said it was not just expatriate couples living in separate countries who feel strain.
“Some professions, such as airline crew, spend days away from home. This can be a strain on both partners,” she said.
Life coach Sujit Sukumaran said that the pressure of being seen to maintain a certain lifestyle is a major cause of stress for people in Dubai.
“I think expectations, keeping up with the Joneses, an inadequate understanding of finances and a lack of clear communication are key factors,” Mr Sukumaran said.
“It is interesting that people who don’t wish to confide in their spouse would rather do so with a therapist.”
He said that, while distance can a key factor in problems that married couples face, it is seldom the only issue.
“Many variables come into play,” Mr Sukumaran said. “I have seen cases where distance has been the game-changer, especially where the partners think that remittances or money alone and not an active involvement is the only thing required on their part to be a good spouse.”
While the Catholic Church is strict on not permitting divorces, other non-Muslim couples are allowed to be divorced through the church of their faith in Abu Dhabi, rather than go through the courts.
The law was changed last year so that couples could receive mediation with one of their religious leaders to try to save the marriage or to divorce.