Airdrie & Coatbridge Advertiser
New book looks at history of Scots football
IAN BUNTING
Scotland have never won the World Cup. But when it comes to the ridiculous side of football, we’re undisputed world champions.
Which is why when Airdrie comedy writer Andy Bollen was visiting the Scottish Football Museum at Hampden Stadium one day, he felt it was lacking “the juicy stuff” – and had an idea to remedy that.
Only An Excuse and Chewin’ The Fat sketch writer Andy, 53, started wondering where were the artefacts dedicated to controversial, silly and bonkers mishaps and started creating his tribute to an alternative football history.
From Jimmy Johnstone’s rowing boat escapade to Chic Charnley’s traffic cone battle with “samurai neds”, Alex Cameron’s horse and Frank McAvennie’s diving suit for hidden treasure hunts, Andy’s new book A History of Scottish Football in 100 Objects: The Alternative Scottish Football Museum commemorates the game’s maddest moments.
Andy, born in Airdrie and now living in Coatbridge, said: “I love the Scottish Football Museum but the first time I went, after a few minutes, I was like, ‘Where’s the juicy stuff – the below-the-counter alternative stuff?’
“I started making notes and thought about all the different things you could put in it, all about the people, events and objects that have shaped the Scottish football the fans know, from pie and Bovril to Twitter.
“In Scotland, we’re definitely good at laughing at ourselves, although recently people are getting more thin-skinned. It’s important we laugh at ourselves and we’re good at it.”
While his new book does reflect on the funniest moments of the game, he also looks at the tragedies and ongoing issues within the national game.
Former St Serf ’s Primary and St Margaret’s High pupil Andy said: “It’s not all fun and games, there are tragic things I have touched on, like sectarianism and poor Willie Johnston, whose career was ruined because he took two antihistamine tablets and the SFA hung him out to dry.
“There’s Hughie Gallagher, who played 129 games for Airdrie, scored 100 goals and took Airdrie to the Scottish Cup final, and then went to Newcastle, but whose life was chaos. He killed himself jumping in front of a train.”
Football has always been Andy’s passion and he honed his love for the game in his home town.
He explained: “Growing up in Rochsoles Drive, self-praise was no honour.
“If you did anything well or had a bit of success, people would be quick to bring you down a peg or two. “I loved football and comedy from the age of five or six; in fact, when everyone was reading the Famous Five, I was getting stuck into Roy of the Rovers and Shoot! “I loved football programmes; there was one in the house from a Texaco Cup game when Airdrie played Derby County. “I once scored five goals for St Margaret’s and didn’t say to anyone in my family; they didn’t ask the score. “I got a row for not telling them, then told next week to score six! “Though I scored a goal in a final for St Serf’s from the half-way line when I was 11, we won Andy discusses Frank McAvennie’s diving suit for hidden treasure hunts but just – 5-4.
“That was well before David Beckham and I still have guys remind me about it. Football is amazing for that, you remember your teammates.
“When I had my first sketch on Only an Excuse? they were all delighted for me.”
Andy added: “I spent my formative years going with my pals to see my hometown side Airdrieonians one week and Albion Rovers the next, anything to see a game.
“Sometimes I’d be allowed to take in away games watching Airdrie play in Montrose, Arbroath and St Johnstone in the Old Muirton Park. I’d be about 11 and allowed to get on a supporters’ bus and head off with pals – now, social services would be called!
“Rovers had Ray Franchetti and later Vic Kasule would star, then Airdrie had Marc Cowan and Tommy Walker, all of whom feature in the book.
“In one chapter, called Outside Broadcasts, we had the palpable excitement when the TV cameras were at Broomfield and outside broadcasts units were setting up.”
A History of Scottish Football in 100 Objects is available on Birlnn imprint, Arena Sport Books or from Amazon.