26 surreylive.news NEWS & MAIL WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 9, 2020 FAMILY MATTERS W Don’t worry – true love can take time CHILDREN’S HEN you have a baby you might expect to feel an incredible rush of love the second you set eyes on your new bundle of joy. But what if you don’t feel like that at all? Don’t worry. While some mothers feel unconditional love and bond with their baby instantly, for others bonding – or maternal instinct – can take weeks or months to develop. The NCT parenting charity (nct. org.uk) says around a third of mums don’t experience such feelings for their newborn, and there are many reasons including a difficult birth experience, mental health issues, difficulties adjusting to motherhood, having a baby who’s ill – or sometimes for no obvious reason. “Of course most mums want to feel a sense of warmth and protection towards their newborn baby,” says NCT antenatal practitioner Amy Delicate, “but if they’re not having those feelings, they’re not alone – around a third of mums might not experience that, which can sometimes lead to feelings of disappointment, anxiety, inadequacy and guilt. “It’s important for parents to remember that building an emotional connection between themselves and their baby is an ongoing process and there are lots of reasons why it may not happen immediately.” As a result, some mothers may feel ‘empty’ and want to reject their baby or not want to care for them but life coach, parenting expert and TV presenter Anna Williamson stresses: “Maternal instinct can differ from mother to mother. It doesn’t mean that any one mum is any better or more gifted or suited to the role than another.” She continues: “Many factors can affect the mother/child bond at any time – hormones, emotional and mental wellbeing, lifestyle and life events are just some of the influences that can affect bonding. “Don’t worry or beat yourself up if you feel you don’t have any maternal instinct – it can take time for bonding to develop.” But while bonding is an ongoing process, there are things parents can do to really get to know their baby and strengthen their bond, including... book of the week NEVER SHOW A T-REX A BOOK by Rashmi Sirdeshpande, illustrated by Diane Ewen, Puffin in paperback £6.99, ebook £3.99. HHHHH An NCT expert and life coach explain to that bonding with your baby may not happen immediately – but there are easy ways to boost it Sometimes bonding with baby doesn’t happen immediately.. but it will happen DINOSAURS can’t read – and as the little girl at the heart of this funny tale about the thrilling power of imagination discovers, that’s a good thing. If you showed a T-Rex a book, you would have to take them to school so they could learn how to read, and then they could be anything in the world – even the prime minister. Rashmi Sirdeshpande takes a simple idea for her fourth book and keeps raising the stakes in easy-to-follow sentences brimming with astonishment, while Diane Ewen’s energetic, engaging illustrations leap out of the page in a frenzy of vibrant colours as the story gets wilder and wilder. Never Show A T-Rex A Book is a clever love letter to libraries, so sadly missed due to the coronavirus lockdown. Whether a child is reading it themselves or listening to it being read aloud, it is bound to give them an enthusiasm for imagining stories of their own. LISA SALMON Experts Amy Delicate and Anna Williamson TALKING TO YOUR BABY talking. “Another way to feel closer to your baby could be through boosting communication by reading them a storybook, singing songs, or by simply talking to them about what you’re doing as you go about your day,” advises Amy. remember that simply stroking your baby can help calm them, which might help if you’re struggling to bond because your baby is so fractious. JUST because your baby doesn’t understand what you’re saying yet doesn’t mean you shouldn’t talk to them. As well as being the best way to help infants start to understand language, the sound of a parent’s voice can help soothe baby and give mums an avenue to express their emotions or simply talk about day-to-day activities, and it’s definitely a good way to help mums bond with their baby. And it doesn’t just have to be USING A SLING KIDS’ BUY THE NCT suggests going for a walk with your baby in a sling, and talking to your little one as you walk, describing what you see. As well as the fresh air being good for you both, the physical closeness and communication will help strengthen the bonding process. SKIN-TO-SKIN CONTACT “IF mums feel they’re struggling to bond, they could try spending time with their baby cuddling skin-to skin,” suggests Amy. “Massaging baby or taking baths together may also help.” And of the week PERFECTLY timed for the new term, GUESS has launched a bright and funky new collection of eyewear for kids. The comfy and fun glasses are designed for children from six to 10 years. For girls, there are two-tone cat-eye eyeglasses in bright, contrasting colours, while the boys’ brightly coloured specs have acetate temples and repeat the rectangular “G” logo detail, which is also used in the men’s collections. Girls’ glasses, (top two, frame only) from £39.06, optimaloptic. com. Boys’ glasses (frame only) from £69, otticanet.com Parents spend nearly four hours a week struggling to HARD-PRESSED British parents spend the equivalent of nearly nine days a year trying to get their little ones into bed and asleep. A poll of 1,000 mums and dads of children aged between three and 10 found they spend 34 minutes each evening getting little ones ready for bed – a total of nearly four hours every week. But in a bid to delay bedtime, children will conjure up an average of three excuses every night – including saying they’re scared of the dark, sudden headaches or tummy aches, and needing the toilet. And there will be four evenings a week when parents think the little ones are asleep – only to hear tell-tale thumps from upstairs saying otherwise. The research, commissioned by Compare the Market, also found 28% of children will complain it’s too light outside to sleep. And three in 10 won’t close their eyes unless their favourite soft toy is present and accounted for. Julie Daniels, head of rewards for Compare the Market says: “Our study has shown that even with a thorough routine, you can’t stop children still wanting that extra five minutes of awake time. “But you can usually tell – as parents – when your youngster is being genuine, such as wanting a drink or being afraid of the dark, and when they are prolonging you leaving the room and just getting on with your evening.” The study also found 35% Some children won’t go to bed without a favourite toy PRINTED AND DISTRIBUTED BY PRESSREADER PressReader.com +1 604 278 4604 . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY . ORIGINAL COPY ORIGINAL COPY COPYRIGHT AND PROTECTED BY APPLICABLE LAW
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