REAL BODIES
The plot thickens as book reviewer and writer Luke Marlowe turns over a new leaf to become more open, body- positive and, in this instance, naked…
Book reviewer Luke Marlowe on the moment he embraced being LGBTQ
Ihave been reading Attitude since I was a teenager. As a gay kid growing up in the middle of the countryside, it gave me a glimpse into another world: one where I could be open, express myself freely, and love who I wanted. It has been a positive force in my life for a long time, and the fact that ‘ normal’ people of all different shapes and sizes are showcased in [ this] Real Bodies section really appealed to me. As I’ve got older, I have grown a lot more confident with my body and so taking my clothes off for a magazine I’ve loved for 20 or so years seemed like the right thing to do!
2020 has been a terrible year for pretty much everyone, I think. I am lucky to still have my health… but in the past few months I’ve lost my beloved grandmother, had to postpone my wedding, and been made redundant. Instead of freaking out and having a breakdown, like the younger me would have done, or drinking too much in order to block out my fears and emotions,
I took control of my mental health and have had CBT [ Cognitive Behavioural Therapy] and now take medication for my anxiety. It has helped me gain a new perspective on things and to be a lot less guarded with people – this photo shoot is an extremely literal way of portraying that.
My parents raised me to have no qualms about being naked, and in my late teens and early 20s, it was pretty much guaranteed that at any house party I’d [ be] likely [ to] take my clothes off at some point.
I have definitely been a bit shier over the past five or six years as my metabolism paved the way for weight to jump on. However, lockdown has seen me working out every day; I’ve made peace with the fact that I’m never going to be the fittest guy in the world, but I’m healthy and happy and keen to show that.
In the past, my body confidence always stemmed from alcohol. I am 5’ 6” and was born three months prematurely, so I had an odd sense of being ‘ unfinished’ when I was younger. I was always desperate to be long and lean, rather than short and squat. I’ve come to embrace that aspect, though: I’m a Hobbit and absolutely OK with it.
I like my legs a lot. I have a weird, inherited walk – I walk on my toes – and as a result my legs have always been fairly muscular. I can’t fit into any kind of skinny- fit trouser, but I do look good in short shorts, even if I do say so myself!
[ When it comes to the different ‘ labels’ in the gay world] I think a lot of queer people feel a desire to find a community, and if they find it through those specific labels, then I’m all for it.
Personally, I guess I am somewhere between an ‘ otter’ and a ‘ cub’, depending on how much I’ve had for dinner…
Coming out to my family was pleasantly easy. They already knew and weren’t at all bothered, which I know makes me hugely lucky. They’re still incredibly supportive today and have really welcomed my partner into the fold.
Feeling at home in the LGBTQ universe is a trickier one. I identified as gay for years, but didn’t really feel part of the community. Outside of dating, I rarely mixed with other gay men and saw myself as ‘ outside’
of things like Pride, for example.
However, a good few years ago, I went to the GLBT History Museum in San Francisco and – this is going to sound like a moment from a cheesy novel – I had a real awakening while listening to Harvey Milk’s last political [ speech], standing next to the suit that he was assassinated in.
Listening to him clearly explain that he knew he was likely to die [ but] it was worth it if gay people in the future were able to live openly and happily, I realised that my fears of joining the gay community proper were based on a fear of being different, coupled with a healthy dose of internalised homophobia.
Being able to confront that was a wonderful thing. I bloody love being part of the LGBTQ community and being a loud voice in the crowd. I wear my queerness on my sleeve – literally, I have a pink triangle tattooed on my arm – and do what I can to campaign for change.
Many people have died for our right to live openly. To me, it felt like a crime to not do that any longer. [ I choose] to live proudly and defiantly, and to jump headfirst into a community that is diverse, welcoming and ever- changing.
“I’m never going to be the fittest guy in the world, but I’m healthy”