RUFUS WAINWRIGHT

On making peace with the past and getting his pop groove back

to wear a kimono, or not to wear a kimono — kimono, she better don’t, if you will. That is the question Rufus Wainwright has found himself wrestling with recently. During the pandemic, the Canadian- American music legend has been performing “quarantunes” on his Instagram account, wearing nothing more than a robe.

Thus far, he has resisted the urge to slip into anything skimpier. “I have a wonderful friend, who was a trainer of mine, very handsome, and he sent me a new robe that arrived in the mail, a beautiful Japanese kimono,” Rufus explains. “In true gay fashion, it is way skimpier than the other ones. I’m debating if I can really wear it because it’s somewhat revealing.”

Sometimes a wardrobe malfunction can really bring a performance to life, Rufus…

Attitude caught up with the 46- year- old former enfant terrible and Judy Garland fanatic to talk about his upcoming ninth album, Unfollow the Rules. A return to pop, after successful forays into classical music and opera, the record sees him revisit and reexamine his past.

An open book, Rufus reflects on the challenging chapters — the loss of his mother, singer Kate McGarrigle, and his battle with alcohol and drug addiction — before flicking forward to the present; life with his husband Jörn Weisbrodt and daughter Viva, who he shares with Lorca Cohen, the daughter of Leonard Cohen, and his new status in the gay world as a bona- fide ‘ daddy’.

Unfortunately, not a kimono- wearing one.

How did you settle on the title of your new album?

My daughter Viva came up with that title. One day, she came into the living room and exclaimed that she wanted to “unfollow the rules” and walked out dramatically. Both my husband and I were dumbfounded by that expression, and I immediately jotted it down and then it stuck around and turned into a song and now it’s the title of the album.

You strike me as someone who doesn’t like to follow the rules. Is that fair to say?

On one hand, I don’t. I’ve always wanted to fashion my career and my life in a very individual manner. I do what I want to do — artistically, especially — and I both gained a lot and also paid a certain price over the years. That being said, deep down, I am actually a traditionalist, in the sense that all of the musical choices that I’ve made are based on rules that have been around for hundreds, if not thousands, of years, with my love of opera, classical music, and American songbook and stuff. I am a bit of both. In a strange way, I think that’s what I’m trying to say with the title: unfollowing the rules isn’t about discarding them, it’s about reexamining them, going back on the path you arrived on and really examining why you were treated this way, or why this or that occurred, and then deciding to tell everyone to fuck off or not, depending on your research [ laughs].

And how was your research?

Well, it’s ongoing. Especially after my mum died, about 10 years ago, I began this very intense re- examination of my life. My dad is still alive and we work hard to – how should I say this? – garden our relationship properly. I am at a point now where I, either, have to keep stuff or throw some things in order to continue healthily, and, thankfully, I’ve worked hard to clear out a lot of bullshit to do that. Sadly, I think the gay world can be tough at this age. So many gay men I know who are in their 40s, it’s the greatest time of their lives and they’re able to really have clarity, or it’s a real nightmare because they’ve just never been able to get out of that, you know, tornado.

What category would you place yourself in? You seem very content.

I am. Working really hard to be in my relationship, my marriage and being a father, and also having done battle with my demons with drugs and alcohol earlier on was helpful. I am reaping the benefits of that; I’m in a good place with that. I was never that comfortable as a younger man in my 20s and 30s. I always felt very insecure, especially about my looks. I knew I was an attractive person, but I never quite fitted in, in the gay world, to either the downtown hipsters or the Chelsea queens, as they’re called in Manhattan. I was partying and drinking a lot, which didn’t help. Somehow, now [ I’m] in my 40s, I feel like I’ve finally landed in the sweet spot, which is this “daddy” type — I’m a “daddy” now.

Oh hey, daddy.

That is a whole new universe. Having grown up with a lot of people my age dying with Aids and stuff, it is nice to be part of a generation that, when I was younger, was so threatened and decimated. There is a bit of triumph getting to 40, because, when I was younger, 40- year- olds were very under threat.

Unfollow the Rules is your first pop record since 2012. Was it a self- imposed exile from planet pop?

It was self- imposed in the sense that I had received commissions from opera companies and there was actual action going on in my classical pursuits. I will say that I went running into the classical world somewhat naively, thinking that it would be this universe of musical fabulousness and that everybody would be more sensitive and sophisticated and loving, but actually it ended up being quite brutal and intense and ferocious, which now I appreciate… When I was in the classical jungle for a couple of years, I started to regain my appreciation for pop music. I started to miss the young people and the freedom of being in the studio and also singing about my life and writing songs that make people want to dance, or forget their daily troubles.

How would you describe the album? What were you interested in exploring?

I wanted this to be my return to California and to the mainstream. I wanted to revisit the same studios and some of the musicians I worked with when I began my career. We live in Laurel Canyon, the holy grail of song- writing in certain people’s minds, whether it’s Joni Mitchell or Crosby, Stills & Nash, and so I thought a lot about that and continuing that tradition of writing songs that are built to last. By the same token, I wanted to maintain my Rufus feel and have a romantic, European quality induced into that process and hopefully have a huge radio hit – which probably won’t happen. I get swept away by the experience of working on an album and think it’ll dominate the planet and then I release it and it’s like, wow, that’s totally not what’s going on right now [ laughs].

You mentioned that the record revisits your past. When you took that stroll down memory lane, what chapters were more difficult to return to than others?

I write a lot about people in my life and one of the interesting things is that my daughter insisted that there be a song about her on the record. I had written one about her a while ago when she was born – actually, before she was born – and then I lost it. I had to rebuild the song from memory because it’d been years since I sung it. I ended up with the song My Little You. It’s [ about] her mother and I. We were never in a relationship and we did our… I’m not going to get too much into the specifics of how we had a child, but we had to plan it out. I wanted to express the mysticism of that for my daughter. You know, songs were written about me before I was born by my parents and about the wonder of that, and I wanted to give her the same gift.

I take it Viva has heard the song?

She has and she loves it a lot. Now she’s waiting for the next one [ laughs].

Trouble in

Another one of your tracks,

Paradise, is inspired by “editrix” Anna Wintour. How did that come about?

Vogue

Yeah [ laughs]. My husband and I are close friends with Viktor Horsting and Rolf Snoeren, the Dutch fashion designers, and many years ago we had this idea of doing a musical together, which I still think would be cool. It was about their lives and sensibilities and stuff, and in the middle of that process when we were talking about it, I said that we needed a villainous character, and of course what better character to base that on in the fashion world than Anna Wintour. At first, they went along with it, but then after about a week or two, they came back and said, “Erm, we don’t think

“i was never that comfortable in my 20s and 30s… i never quite fitted in”

“In the classical jungle, I started to regain my appreciation for pop music”

we can have Anna Wintour as the villain in our musical because we don’t want to piss her off” [ laughs]. Needless to say, we didn’t do the musical. I kept the song and I don’t think I’m being mean to her at all. It’s a love letter.

Have you ever crossed paths with Anna Wintour?

I’ve met her a couple of times in passing. We have good friends in common – Michael Kors is a dear friend of mine. Look, she’s one of the great icons of the early 21st century, it comes with the territory. I don’t think she’ll be affected by it, one way or the other.

I also have a soft spot for the song Peaceful

Afternoon, because it is just so joyous. It’s dedicated to your husband and marks your 13th anniversary, if my research is right?

I wrote it when we [ had been] together for 13 years, but we’re now coming on to 15. Like our daughter Viva, he also requires a song for each album [ laughs].

Is that written into a contract somewhere?

A contract of sorts. He only does it because he knows I enjoy a challenge and having to accomplish things after being told to do so. It’s the strange, well- behaved baby in me. It’s always a nice exercise and it does make me have to write a sweet and positive love song, which the world needs. It gets me out of the more decadent territory.

How did you and your husband meet?

He was living in Berlin and I was touring Europe. He heard about me through a mutual friend and he came to see my concert, and we subsequently courted and then, you know, consummated our relationship in the Hamptons a couple of months later. I’ve often had odd finales to my shows, like one finale I was crucified, another one I became a Greek god, these really wild, end- of- show shenanigans. On that particular tour, everybody in the band, including myself, became strippers. We all got down to our underwear, at least. So, all I want to say is, it pays to advertise – by the end of that tour, I had a boyfriend. Never be afraid to take off your clothes [ laughs]!

I know there isn’t necessarily a ‘ secret’ to having a successful relationship, but why do you think you and your hubby have managed to stay on track?

I do find it’s important for your professional lives to mesh. If either party feels overcrowded by the other in terms of work stuff, if your careers don’t complement each other, that’s really hard. The other thing is, it’s really useful to have a common passion. For us, it was opera; we’re both big opera fans and we were able to embark on this real common journey through something we loved so tremendously. It doesn’t have to be everything, but if there is one ingredient that you can both immerse yourself in, that’s a real necessity. On Early Morning Madness, you sing: ‘ Don’t want to ride that ship no more, sailing at that clip ever more’. What mindset were you in while writing the track?

That, to me, is turning out to be one of the more fascinating tracks. When I wrote that years ago, it was about being hungover. It was about drinking too much and feeling like shit, and then having to get back onto that rollercoaster, day in and day out. I don’t really drink any more — I haven’t for a long time — [ but] I still have those early- morning madness moments. You’re nowhere near out of the woods.

You have openly addressed your battle with alcohol and drugs in the past. As somebody who has bounced back from that, do you still

feel the push- and- pull effect of addiction?

Oh, you always do. Not as brutally as when, you know, you’re just stepping away from it – or jumping out of a window from it [ laughs]. It returns, the dark dreams and it’s very much tied to my sensibilities as an artist. There is no mystery that singers, painters and musicians – there is a long and rich history of tradition with the arts – [ have] a need to double [ down] all the heavy- duty elements that life has to offer, death and destruction being a couple of them. To go back into that sphere in order to write songs, you pass it in the hallway, but I have to say it’s not as… [ pauses]. Having such great people in my life as my husband, my daughter, we’re a very closeknit family, I have the support around me that is needed. My heart really goes out to addicts who are in isolation at the moment. If you’re alone and struggling with alcoholism, my God, it must be so tough right now. In fact, it’s making me think I should really reach out more to my fellow addicts.

Do you think there is a link between addiction and sexuality?

I have a very fond place in my heart [ for] drugs in the sense that I wholly admit and admire and champion in a lot of ways the decadent history of the gay male world. It is something that I still find fascinating and important, culturally, the battles and the triumphs and the tragedies that that holds, and the nightclubbing universe brought forth. I would never poo- poo that or segregate it from my life… It is fascinating to enter that spectrum and to experience that and to go through that – which I did wholeheartedly – but what’s more fascinating is to get out of it and to grow through it. [ However] I do think this is a problem, especially today for some reason, of certain gay men getting really stuck in that whirlpool and not using the energy that is allotted to them by decadence to grow.

Looking back over your career, can you recall a memorable showbiz encounter, for all the right, or wrong reasons?

I did three nights at this little club where I was recording something. It was a very intimate evening and Shirley MacLaine arrived. After the show, she came backstage. Everyone thought the show was fantastic and she immediately said to me, “Rufus, I enjoyed the show very much, [ but] I can’t understand one word you’re saying. Also, you need a spotlight. Can’t you just pay someone 50 dollars to follow you?” Then she pointed at someone in the band and said, “You look like you’re asleep the whole time.” She just started berating the entire evening [ laughs]. I was later told that was a sign of affection.

Keep those rose- tinted glasses on. Do you have a particularly cherished memory, whether it is from childhood, or otherwise?

In this pandemic time, one of the wonderful by- products of it is spending more time with our daughter, as a child. There will be children who have experienced this period and really grown from it and loved it, and I think our daughter will be one of them. She just loves spending time with her dads and her mum because we lead hectic lives. Viva, Jörn and myself watching an old Marilyn Monroe movie together, that’s one of the high points of my life.

Would you like more children?

I don’t think so. We thought about it at one point, but I think we’re good for the moment.

Unfollow the Rules is out now