Give us festive fun we deserve
Miserable show by Ayr this year
Yes, there’s still a week to go, but your favourite columnist is already coming down with a serious bout of peace and goodwill to all men. I’m ho- ho- hoaching with the stuff!
It’s the time of year when you give to the needy. And this festive period, I’ve decided to spread the joy to South Ayrshire’s councillors.
Sometimes, I think the inmates at Castle Grayskull need a wee reminder of what “joy” really looks like!
My gift this year is unusually unusual.
It’s an all- expenses paid, luxury coach trip through South Ayrshire and finishing up in Glasgow. It’s unusual because ... they won’t get it until next Christmas.
And, secondly, I won’t know exactly who I’m inviting until next May’s local elections are over. Who knows how motley the councillor crew will be next June?
I’m going to call it the “Do They Know It’s Christmas Tour 2017” – because that’s exactly what people are asking after insipid local festivities that have been so unmemorable it’ll take years to be forgotten.
Yes, I know what you’re thinking: Shields has been on the sherry a bit early this year! But I’m serious, folks.
My guestlist will include every elected South Ayrshire councillor and whatever management mandarins want to come along for the ride.
I’ll also be inviting some local businessmen – representing names like Buzzworks, Costley, Ayr Racecourse and the Scottish Air Show.
And I’ll be asking some licensed trade siblings – like Davie Cowan from the Tam O’Shanter and Jim McSherry of the Wee Windaes – who will surely have a valuable input.
I’ll save some seats for our MSPs and MPs and yes, Chic, if you’re not a councillor by then, er, you can come too!
Our date will be this time next year and our route will take us from Girvan, through Ayr, Prestwick, Troon and finally Glasgow.
And we’ll be stopping in each to see what is happening, what isn’t happening and what could happen at Christmas – if everyone pulls together. I’ll also have a couple of firstaiders with defibrillators on hand as some of our councillors are bound to go into a state of shock.
They’ll see things like: a Christmas market with more than the embarrassing six stalls that pitched up at Ayr Central last weekend; a Christmas tree that looks like it means it; people drinking at pavement tables outside pubs and not being arrested; a bar with a hole in the roof for smokers that’s not been shut down; more Christmas lights in Glasgow’s Buchanan Street than Ayr, Prestwick, Girvan and Troon put together; bands playing audible music AFTER 11pm; street carousels and entertainers catering for every age group; and, most importantly, crowds of happy people enjoying themselves.
Let’s get one thing straight – I’m not saying the population of South Ayrshire is big enough to financially support all of the above.
But I am saying that the population of South Ayrshire deserves some of the above. And they’re not getting it. So, why not? And why not let’s all jump on a bus next year – in a spirit of goodwill – and get the right people connecting with the right people.
What’s better than talking about changes to our festive streets?
It’s making a festive visit to the streets that need change.
Watch this space for more details next year.
In the meantime, I’ll make sure my nice editor is ready to sign off the cost of it all!
[ Shields. My office. Tomorrow – ed].