Captain Tom wins the nation’s heart
Hero grandfather inspires the world
It’s Week Five. Yes folks, pretty soon you’re going to need two hands to count the weeks in captivity that we initially thought wouldn’t extend beyond two fingers.
And the way First Minister Nicola Sturgeon is talking – we’re going to need our socks and shoes off as well before we even get to the “new normal”, never mind the old and sadly missed normal normal!
Becalmed while the storm of Covid- 19 rages all around us – life on board the good ship SS Lockdown isn’t quite as jolly any more.
The first traces of cabin fever I reported last week are now rife between the decks - and the ship’s timbers are creaking in weary frustration.
Let’s face it . . . even murderers know how long they’ll be banged up for!
We haven’t quite reached the same stage as our American cousins who are taking to the streets to protest at the loss of liberty they’re supposedly guaranteed under the Bill of Rights.
But hey, with a President who thinks injecting Domestos can save the world – they’ve got more than enough to worry about!
Over here in Blighty, we’re doing what the Brits do better than any other nation on the planet.
We go right over the top!
Take old Captain Tom – God bless him – for example.
If I’d asked who he was in my last pub quiz – most would have him down as that beardy guy who sailed the Titanic into an iceberg.
But when a lovely old gentleman comes up with an inspired idea to raise money – wins hearts across the world and raises sums beyond anyone’s expectation - we just can’t stop ourselves.
In journalism’s parlance, he became what we call a “good property” – in this case, the BBC’s.
Every day’s editorial conference would start with “What are we doing with Captain Tom today?
Let’s get him with his sister/ daughter/ carer/ ex- comrade/ milkman.
Hey, see if we can fix Matt Hancock to visit him?
Two metre’s apart – but together in the fight against Covid- 19?
Love it mate, love it!”
And in the end – we almost flogged the dear old man to death.
It got so bad – his family had to step in a yank him out the spotlight.
And yes – that was another great story!
Then, we have all these celebrities coming out the woodwork to deliver food parcels or visit the elderly.
The real “heroes” are the ones who have already been doing it for years.
And don’t tell the media in advance!
There’s just something excruciatingly British about making a crisis into a drama. . . starring themselves!
And what possesses a parent to spend days making a fancy rainbow outfit – stick their child inside it – call the local TV station . . . and say the child made it themselves because their little darling wanted to thank the NHS?
Who ARE these people?
The only NHS tribute I’m truly comfortable with is the 8pm doorstep applause every Thursday. It’s voluntary, largely anonymous, very genuine and emotionally rewarding. And as an extra bonus . . . you also get a chance to put a face to Mr Volvo ten doors up whose lawn is always infuriatingly immaculate and whose bloody daffodils pop up every year in equidistant unison!
I never liked that guy!
The only NHS tribute I’m truly comfortable with is the 8pm doorstep applause every Thursday