OF THE BEST
HALLOWEEN DECORATIONS
an early bedtime, while the other fine about them staying up late.
“If they sit down to talk about a bedtime rules agreement, the likelihood is they’ll disagree, so they may avoid such a discussion.”
However, Emily stresses: “You need to realise that you’ll disagree regardless – not discussing it doesn’t eliminate the disagreement, it just pushes it off. Better to surface your conflicts on purpose – disagree a little now, fight less later.”
Decisions can be changed
is
Emily points out that many families have a tendency to make decisions once and assume that’s it forever – so if your child goes to an after-school club, that will just carry on regardless.
However, a lot of the choices we make are adaptable and can be changed, she stresses, using the example of a child who has piano lessons for two years and hates it, so wants to quit, but his parents can’t stop thinking about the money they’ve ‘wasted’ for two years and how the lessons might not have been a good idea in the first place.
“Part of what’s hard about this is we want our decisions to have been right – there’s a challenge in admitting that you should have done it differently,” she explains.
“But, as economists would say, those costs – the wasted money and time – are sunk. You can’t get them back with your decisions now. All you can do is make the better decision going forward.”
She says the decision to change will be much easier if you plan it.
“If you articulate up front a plan to revisit, you’re less likely to feel bad about having to do it.
“So, plan a followup when you make your decision in the first place.”
■ The Family Firm by Emily Oster is published by Souvenir Press, priced £14.99