Safety first: That’s my motto when asking strangers to look after the twins
DOUBLE TROUBLE FOR A FIRST-TIME DAD OF TWINS
I’D anticipated sleep, money and time as being problems, but not the art of managing complex operations, when all I wanted was a turnip from the fruit shop. The logistics of simple tasks take on a new dimension when you’re in control of a double buggy laden with human life. This particular Saturday, I’d left the house with the twins secured by a four-point racing harness. It’s similar to something Formula One drivers require, when they’re driving around a track at 200mph. Naturally, better safe than sorry, but I’d like to see
them move more than their heads and fingers, when we’re out for a walk. First stop was the fruit shop for that turnip and some overlyripe bananas for their pudding. Unfortunately, there was a large box of potatoes blocking the doorway. I thought I’d gently shove it out the way with the buggy but realized it was supporting a broken box of heavy looking courgettes. Rather than risk an entire box of vegetables emptying across a busy shop floor, I decided to assess surrounding shoppers for a suitable baby-sitting candidate.
Women were my first choice, but they were all bustling past laden with reusable bags. I stood outside for a while fishing for interest in the twins but nobody was taking the bait. Luckily, I spotted an older man with a dog next to a lamppost. To me a dog provides a halo of honest dependability and this coupled with the chap’s age led me to think he was a safe bet. I approached the stranger and politely asked if he’d mind making sure nobody stole the twins while I got my turnip. He replied, ‘why not’, which was fine but I would rather he had said something more along
the lines of ‘it’d be a pleasure’. Through the shop window, I was watching to make sure he did his job properly and although not embracing his role, they weren’t stolen. Turnip successfully purchased I returned to relieve him of his duty only to notice he smelt strongly of alcohol. It’s certainly not my place to judge but on closer inspection I also spotted he looked a little dishevelled,
weathered and was not as elderly as first thought. It was certainly a timely wake-up call in respect of my baby-sitting recruitment policy. Although the most important lesson was what I find an amusing anecdote about leaving the twins with a drunk stranger is something my partner Victoria may view very differently, therefore it’s best to keep these errors of judgement to ourselves. Let’s keep mum about this one.
Sure I’ll mind yer kids – jus s’long as I don haf to share me bottle