Abuse victim finds way to start new life

A woman from Keynsham has managed to flee her abusive partner after 10 years of emotional, mental and sexual abuse.

She is telling her story in the hope it makes other women in similar situations reach out for help.

She said: “While all this was going on there were little things that I didn’t realise classed as abuse. For example being controlling about money, controlling about housework and things I wear.”

Emily’s partner lied about his personal details and where he went. He filmed and uploaded footage of Emily in the bedroom to the internet without her consent.

She said: “Anything that he could moan about, even work. His day at work was my fault. The fact was the dishes weren’t done was my fault.

“The fact that the kitchen was a mess was my fault. Everything was my fault.”

The woman said her partner would say to her: “You’re worthless. You’re useless. You’re going to amount nothing. You’ve got nothing. You’ve got no one.”

She explained how she had felt extremely lonely during those 10 years.

She said: “We never went out or did anything. We never communicated much. He would sit on his phone and I would just work late.

“He was always very secretive over the years. He never added me on any social media platforms.

“Everything he did have, you couldn’t look at anything even if you were his ‘friend.’

“He had locks on everything. And over the years I found out that it was because he was on websites talking to people he shouldn’t have been talking to whilst in a relationship.”

Over time the arguments got more aggressive and physical. She said: “Every time we would argue he would see what buttons he could push and once he realised which ones he could push he would step it up a notch.

“It started with invading my space. The shoves got harder and the grabbing got more. I started getting bruises.”

The final straw came when the woman’s partner kicked a cupboard door shut and “took a chunk out” of her hand.

She said: “I always thought I was to blame for his temper and attitude. But I’m not responsible for his life or for his actions or how he speaks to people. How racist, fat-ist and insensitive and just nasty he is.”

Over the 10 years, the woman left several times but her partner always found a way to manipulate her into coming back.

This time she has left for good after seeking help from charities, Southside and Julian House.

She said: “I didn’t think my abuse was enough to get the help from these people. What I thought was little things weren’t little things.

“Being set up on the freedom programme has opened my eyes and confirmed that everything I had been thinking that this isn’t right and I don’t deserve to be treated like this was right.

“It’s making me realise these things and it’s empowering me more every day.”

She has been placed in a refuge for victims of domestic abuse and is on the Freedom Programme which promotes positive changes and recovery for women and their children in a supportive environment.

If you or someone you know is a victim of domestic abuse please contact Julian House by emailing renew@julianhouse.org.uk or calling 01225 310899.

Alternatively, the Samaritans can be contacted for free around the clock 365 days a year on 116 123.

❝ I always thought I was to blame for his temper and attitude. But I’m not responsible Abuse survivor