Classical music snubbed as Jaws chooses jazz

We have bad news for any classical musicians hoping to break into the potentially lucrative marine carnivore market: sharks much prefer jazz. Research carried out at Sydney’s Macquarie University has revealed that juvenile Port Jackson sharks can be rapidly trained to associate the sound of jazz with the presence of food and swim towards it… but when the same experiment was tried with classical music instead, they largely pottered around looking lost and getting increasingly peckish, poor things. It seems that the likes Beethoven’s Hammer head klavier Sonata or Schubert’s Great White C major Symphony will not be entering the repertoire any time yet.