REMEMBERING MARY
GRIEVING PARENTS ON COPING WITH LOSS OF TRAGIC TODDLER
When I look back now, I can honestly say I have never been more scared
THE look on the sonographer’s face frightened them. The urgent meeting with the consultant later that same day is a blur. But it was the discretionary waiving of the £400 fee that brought home the unthinkable.
Who held who up on that leaden walk to the car afterwards? They can’t remember.
But they do recall making multiple stops on the way home.
Driving isn’t easy when both driver and passenger are in shock — and in tears.
Rodney and Sinead Beggs will never forget that day, March 8, and they’ll certainly never forget Mary.
Wonderful, beautiful little Mary, who enriched their lives for just 20 precious months.
The toddler’s brave battle with Cloves Syndrome — a one in 50 million disorder for which there is no known cure — ended six months ago today when, as her devastated father puts it, they had to hand their daughter back to God.
“I believe that He could have changed the situation around, but I also believe that He has a plan,” said Rodney.
“It breaks my heart [he breaks down in tears at this point] that his plan was not to keep Mary because she was the most amazing thing ever to happen to me.
“But, at the same time, I have to thank God for giving her to us in the first place. She changed me forever.”
Bereaved parents may have differing beliefs, but what unites them is the certainty that there can be no greater pain than that of losing a child.
And that’s one of the reasons why Rodney (34) and his 36-yearold wife set up the Mary Beggs Tribute fund, which has already raised £20,000 to help people plunged into the grief that, six months on, is still all-too-real for them.
The Randalstown couple married in September 2013 and, three months later, Sinead fell pregnant.
Everything was fine at the 12week scan, but the heartache began when they returned to Antrim Area Hospital for another routine ultrasound at 20 weeks.
“The sonographer said the ventricles in the baby’s brain looked enlarged and that she needed to refer us to the Royal Victoria Hospital,” recalled businessman Rodney.
“We were worried; it was our first baby together. We didn’t want to wait, so we booked an appoint- ment for a comprehensive scan at a private clinic in Belfast that evening.”
In just 45 minutes their lives were to change irrevocably.
“The consultant told us we needed to plan for our child to be born with extensive brain damage,” said Rodney.
“We got outside, then we both totally fell apart. It was horrible. “Sinead broke down in my arms. We somehow got into the car. I drove up the road a bit. Then we pulled in. We talked. We cried. It was horrendous.
“I carried on driving a bit more. We stopped again. It probably took us about three times longer than normal to make it home.”
Rodney said that although he never felt angry, he did question why this had happened to him and Sinead, who has two boys — Tiarnan (10) and Johnny (seven) — from a previous marriage.
Quickly, their lives became a series of hospital appointments and private consultations but, coming from a deeply religious family, Rodney’s faith never faltered — even at the worst moment of his life.
“The only hope I had was faith,” he said.
“We were told throughout the pregnancy that we wouldn’t know precisely how bad the damage was but that the brain hadn’t developed properly.
“We were given the option of a termination around 20 weeks but never considered that. We weren’t burying our heads in the sand, but we believed Mary would be okay.”
Rodney, proprietor of The Music Rooms, an instrument and music workshop business, said that Sinead stopped work as a driving instructor when she realised what was ahead.
“She was going through the emotional rollercoaster of being pregnant and then this landed on top of us. She had two boys to worry about as well,” he said.
“I was out working, trying to keep the money coming in. It put a lot of pressure on us as a couple. We had good days and bad. It wasn’t easy.”
They chose the name Mary well before she was born because “it gave us something nice to talk about”.
The scans, however, remained pessimistic, and doctors became so concerned about the size of the unborn baby’s head they decided to induce Sinead seven weeks early.
Musician Rodney was by his wife’s side when Mary entered the world via caesarian section on June 20, 2014.
“I kept thinking ‘is she going to cry? Is she going to breathe?’” he recalled.
“When I look back I can honestly say I’ve never been more scared... while at the same time trying to be strong for Sinead.”
The infant’s eventual screams helped allay Rodney’s fears, as did the fact that his daughter looked like any other newborn baby. “She was beautiful,” he said. “She didn’t have any of the defects we were told to worry about. She had fluid in her brain but, although her head was bigger than average, it wasn’t monstrously big.
“She started to feed very quickly too. To be honest, for that first week — even though she was hooked up to machines — it was as if our prayers had been answered.”
Within a few days, Mary was diagnosed with Hemimegalencephaly, a rare neurological condition in which one side of the brain is abnormally larger than the other.
And when she was just two weeks old, she had to undergo an operation so that fluid could be drained from her brain.
“That was really tough,” Rodney said.
“We didn’t know how this condition would express itself but one of the big symptoms of it is epilepsy — and when she was just three weeks old Mary suffered her first seizure.”
THE brother of a 13-year-old boy who died in a motorbike accident days before the end of the summer holidays has paid tribute to the “superstar”, saying he never stopped smiling.
Daniel Sheridan, a promising motocross rider, died after falling from his beloved bike at a motocross track outside Limavady on Thursday.
The teenager, from Tallaght, Co Dublin, was visiting the track with his brother Jake, who is also a keen motocross rider.
Bystanders worked frantically to try and save him while emergency services were called to the scene. A HM Coastguard helicopter from Prestwick and an Irish Coastguard chopper from Sligo attended the scene, as did the PSNI.
CPR was administered at the track, but the seriousness of Daniel’s injuries required urgent hospital treatment.
Daniel — who was known as Dano — was flown to Altnagelvin Area Hospital for emergency treatment but died in hospital yesterday surrounded by his distraught family.
He was due to start his first year at a secondary school in Dublin next week.
His heartbroken brother, Dean, who was at work at the time of the accident, said he was a “superstar in the making”.
“Daniel was a kind, nice little boy who wouldn’t do wrong to anyone,” he said.
“He was a wonderful young boy who loved life and never stopped smiling, he always gave it his all. He started racing in 2008 as my dad used to race back in the day, so he got us into it as a family and it took off from there.
“I’ll truly miss him, he’s my hero, my everything, my world. He loved every lap and every track. He used to get really nervous but he would overcome his nerves and he would get through it, he was going to be a great rid- er and he loved his sport and he would be happy that he went doing the sport he truly loved.”
A parent association at St Kil- ian’s Senior School, where Daniel was to attend, paid tribute.
“The Parents Association would like to extend its deepest sympathies to Daniel Sheridan’s family and friends. Our thoughts and prayers are with you all,” a statement said.
“St Kilian’s Senior School will be open on Saturday at 12pm midday for those of you who would like to gather in remembrance. May he rest in peace.”
A spokesman for Motorcycling Ireland Motocross posted on their Facebook page: “On behalf of all in Irish Motocross, I want to offer our support and thoughts to the Sheridan family in this incredibly sad time.”
Sinn Fein Assembly member Caoimhe Archibald expressed her condolences. The East Derry MLA said: “The community is in shock following the tragic death of a 13-year-old boy. My thoughts are with his family and friends.”