Anthea Turner: ‘Do you think I wanted this?’
She’s 57 and still stunning, but the best thing about Anthea Turner these days is her searing honesty about life as a woman who didn’t choose to be single…
She was the original ‘Stepford Wife’ – immaculate house, handsome husband, a body to die for – and she’d stepped back from a successful presenting career to be stepmum to three girls. Then the papers revealed her husband, Grant Bovey, was dating a 24-year-old. He lost his business, Anthea lost her home, and Zoe de Mallet Morgan took Anthea’s place beside the man she still calls ‘ the love of my life’.
‘I will always love Grant,’ admits Anthea as we drink wine at 11 Cadogan Gardens, a beautiful boutique hotel in London. ‘But there comes a point where, sad as it is, you just can’t ever take them back. It’s taken me five years to say that – even to myself.’
So how do you survive divorce after 50, when it feels as if you’ve lost everything? Anthea talks to best editor Siobhan Wykes…
Hi, Anthea. You’re quite a private person. How come you’ve written a book on divorce?
[Sighs] Honestly, do you think I wanted any of this? Like most women who get left, I have to pay the mortgage. It’s taken a lot of therapy to get to this point, but now I really do think women can learn from what’s happened to me and realise that, no matter how much you scream and cry, you will survive.
Did you scream and cry?
In the very beginning, yes, when I found out about Grant cheating and we split. I believe men should see your pain. Your husband should look at you and see what he’s done. What’s the point in keeping your pride intact? What is that, exactly?
But you and Grant seem to get on so well now…
Yes. But it took a lot of work. I wasn’t going to be pushed out of my stepchildren’s lives. I love Amelia [23], Lily [24] and Claudia [20], and Grant is their dad, so I had to find a way to make it work. I still wanted them to be able to come to me about anything. Look [she produces her phone] – Grant’s on holiday and we’re at a place where he’s sending me pictures. We’re good friends, and we always will be.
How did you get to that point?
Therapy! You need to understand why you behave as you do, and what you can do to change yourself. I had to learn to get my self-esteem and my happiness from me, not from being with a man.
Do you think everyone who goes through a break-up should see a therapist?
Absolutely. Look, women give – we give to our kids, our partners, our jobs – but who gives to us? No one. So we have to take care of ourselves – otherwise people just keep taking and, eventually, you have nothing left to give.
What’s the most important thing you’ve learnt about yourself?
I need to be in control of the finances [ laughs]. I spent a lot of time playing the little wife when I should have paid more attention to the trouble Grant was in… Women need to be aware of the money.
Anything else?
I’ve learnt that you can’t control other people’s behaviour, only your own reaction to it.
How did you find out about Grant’s affair?
Well, before I knew for certain, I had a sixth sense. Then the 2012 Olympics was knocked off the front pages when the newspaper confirmed it.
But you gave him a second chance…
We all deserve them. Before anyone goes rushing off to see a solicitor, you need to ask yourself: are you positive the problems you’re facing can’t be overcome? Has your other half done something so terrible that it’s impossible to forgive? No one ever said marriage is a bed of roses all the time, but when Grant cheated the second time, it was… mind-numbing. He killed my trust, and I had to accept he simply wanted a different life to the one we had.
How did you get through the tough days?
Whenever I was snivelling in my pyjamas, I forced myself to wash my hair and put my make-up on. It makes you feel so much better about yourself.
And how’s your life now?
It’s not as I saw it, but it’s good – I have a home, and a great relationship with Grant and the girls. And I’m dating… I’ve come out the other side, and my promise to anyone of a certain age who finds themselves in my position is, ‘you will, too’. l
How To Survive Divorce by Anthea Turner, £9.99 (Splendid Publications Ltd)