Nadia’s binge-eating confessions
Nadia Sawalha opens up on her struggles with binge-eating – and her very real fears for her daughters
If there’s one thing you can rely on actress and Loose Women panellist Nadia Sawalha for, it’s to shine a very realistic light on her own hang-ups, often poking fun at herself at the same time. The 52-year-old mum of two (she has daughters Maddie, 14, and Kiki, 10, with hubby Mark Adderley), stripped down to her bikini for LW’s Body Stories campaign to promote body confidence back in April – a day she thought would never come, as she’s been plagued by body issues and a tendency to binge-eat since childhood.
Speaking exclusively to best about her battle, Nadia charts her long road to self-acceptance – one filled with mistakes, guilt and shame…
Nadia, you’ve said you’re finally happy with your body, but that it’s taken time. And one thing you’ve grappled with is over-eating…
Some people turn to gin, I turn to food! It’s what I call ‘emotional eating’. You can be addicted to anything – alcohol, sex… But people don’t seem to agree that you can be addicted to food. I am happy now, but don’t get me wrong, every day I meditate and exercise – I have things in place to help me stay on track.
When did you first realise you had a problem?
For years, I used food as an emotional crutch. It’s my favourite drug. If I was sad, lonely, nervous, I’d turn to food. It wasn’t until I went to Overeaters Anonymous that I realised it was even a ‘thing’.
Is it easier to control now?
It doesn’t mean I never binge, but it doesn’t get a grip on me like it used to, because I recognise it. If you’re stressed and reaching for biscuits, the worst you can do is give in.
What happens if you do?
You shove them down your throat and, in that frenzy, you’re not aware of anything causing you anxiety. It’s momentary relief, but then you feel fat again – awful, guilty and ashamed. I can’t have digestives in the house because I’m incapable of eating just one – I’d scoff the lot. They’re my worst binge food.
How bad did it get for you?
Oh, bad! I’ve put food in the bin then got it back out again. Now I pour washing-up liquid on leftovers so I can’t do that any more. But you have to deal with the mental issues behind that; the self-loathing.
Some studies suggest that binge-eating can be genetic. Do you worry about your daughters?
Absolutely. My husband Mark’s an addict, too, and has been in rehab, so I’m very aware of that with our children. I do think it’s genetic. On my dad’s side there’s a lot of obesity, and ‘do you love me? Then show me by eating this’. I will never say to my kids, ‘If you do this, I’ll buy you chocolate,’ or ‘Have you hurt yourself? Have a biscuit.’
Have your girls’ attitudes ever worried you?
My youngest, Kiki, who’s been home-educated since an early age, doesn’t have the same insecurities as Maddie. Maddie’s gorgeous and a size 8, but she’s had enormous pressure from social media and been really upset.
Social media is terrifying for parents…
It is. The latest thing is that everyone should have a thigh gap. There are girls literally starving themselves to get one! Maddie told me a friend of hers actually put a board between her legs to get a selfie with a thigh gap. Insane.
Do you feel a responsibility to make sure that your girls don’t develop a negative body image?
Yes, and that’s why I have a lot of guilt. When Maddie was younger, I had no idea that I shouldn’t say I felt ‘fat’. I’d say it all the time. But I’ve never done it in front of Kiki and she has none of these hang-ups. I’ve definitely affected Maddie – I’ve got into her brain and subliminally given her the wrong messages. I’ve sat down and apologised to her. I said, ‘I’m so sorry, I didn’t realise what I was doing.’ It’s my lifetime’s work now to undo the damage I did. Now, I’ll stand in front of the mirror and say, ‘Oh, I look great today,’ sometimes crossing my fingers behind my back! I’ve also smashed up my scales and only talk about healthy food.
Is there temptation aplenty when you’re at the Loose Women studio?
Every day! Danish pastries are always left over in the green room from the Lorraine show. We also have a big group bowl full of chocolates – I’ve never allowed myself one the entire time I’ve been there.
Are the Loose Women ladies a great support?
We trust each other implicitly, and we support each other through some really tough times. And we laugh our bloody heads off. We’ve all got different skill sets so it’s a smorgasbord of advice to choose from – a hot and cold buffet. Ha, ha, there you go – there’s me bringing everything back to food!
‘I didn’t realise what I was doing. It’s my lifetime’s work now to undo the damage I did’