Happily ever after... ‘The two little angels who finally made us a family’
If there was one thing that my husband Jim and I agreed on from the day we married back in 1978, it was that we couldn’t wait to start a family. We envisaged kids running around, taking trips together and showering them with love.
And, although it didn’t happen in the traditional way, we absolutely adore our children, Tom and Katie, and wouldn’t change our family for the world.
After our wedding, I assumed that, at 23, I would fall pregnant quickly. But month after month, nothing happened – and the disappointment hit us hard.
Everyone kept asking when we were going to start a family, which only added to our pain. Jim tried his best to reassure me but, a year later, we visited our GP for tests.
Tablets, injections and even an op to clear my Fallopian tubes followed. It was a horrible time, but I didn’t care as long as it meant we could have a baby. Eventually, though, doctors told us we had unexplained infertility, which I struggled to accept.
We tried to put the problem to the back of our minds. Then, in 1981, there was a miracle – I fell pregnant! I didn’t dare get excited, and it was a good thing, too, because, just seven weeks later, I miscarried, leaving me
Judy Warner was told she’d never have children, but she found a way to make the family of her dreams…
heartbroken. Jim was equally devastated.
Then, one night in 1983, Jim said he’d seen some posters around our home town of Leicester advertising for foster parents. We talked it over at length, and agreed it would be a great experience.
Jim and I both longed to care for children, and there were kids out there who needed looking after.
After lots of paperwork and meetings, we were accepted, and a boy came to stay with us, followed by many more children. It was exhausting, but extremely rewarding.
Yet, saying goodbye to the children when it was time for them to leave always crushed us. One little girl, who stayed with us for four months, came from a difficult background and was tricky to deal with. But she was very loving and we felt so empty when she left.
Seeing how upset we were, our support worker asked if we’d ever thought about adoption. Jim and I had talked about it but, if we were going to adopt, I was sure I’d want a baby. Unfortunately, at that time, in the 1980s, there was a rule that, at 34, I was too old to adopt a newborn. However, we were eligible to adopt a baby with special needs.
As foster parents, we’d dealt with kids with various needs, so we knew we could cope. ‘Let’s do it,’ Jim and I agreed.
After two years, we were given the green light and handed a picture of baby Tom. He had Down’s syndrome, and a sparkle in his eyes that made our hearts melt.
Over the following weeks, we visited Tom regularly at his foster home, and got to know this small child who would soon become our son.
On New Year’s Eve 1990, when Tom was 18 weeks old, it was time to bring him home, but I suddenly panicked that I wouldn’t know what to do when he cried.
Thankfully, I needn’t have worried, as my instincts kicked in. I was Tom’s mother.
He was the most beautiful little boy, and our family and friends adored him, too. When Tom said ‘Mum’ for the first time, I burst into tears.
As he got bigger, so did his character. Tom had so much energy, and certainly kept us on our toes! But, when Jim and I heard there were more local children with Down’s syndrome waiting for adoption, we realised we still had more love to give.
In 1992, we met Katie, then 11 months, who had just undergone heart surgery. We were worried that Tom might feel pushed out, so we wanted him to meet Katie to see if they bonded.
The first time they met, Tom waddled over to Katie as she sat in a bouncy chair and planted a big kiss on her nose! I felt like my heart was going to burst with happiness. We had found Tom the perfect little sister.
But, before the adoption was finalised, I discovered I was pregnant again. I was overjoyed, but terrified, too – what if that meant we couldn’t have Katie? ‘ We can’t miss out on having her in our lives,’ I told Jim.
Sadly, the day before we picked our little girl up, I miscarried. There was no time to fall to pieces like I had before – Tom and Katie were my kids, and they needed me.
Our home quickly filled with the sound of two kids making their mark on the world. Tom slipped into the role of bossy big brother, while Katie and I spent hours doing arts and crafts together.
Jim and I never grow tired of being called Mum and Dad, and we’ve been incredibly lucky. Tom, now 27, loves the drums and guitar, zombie films and rugby. Katie, 26, adores music, drawing, The
X Factor and all the soaps. We love going out for family dinners, watching films and visiting the theatre. Having Down’s syndrome has never held our kids back.
Now I’m 62, it’s funny how things have worked out. If I’d had biological children, I wouldn’t have Tom and Katie, which is unimaginable.
We’ve always told the kids they’re adopted, and I’m so thankful to their birth parents for making our dreams come true. Some people are terrified to admit they can’t cope, but there are mums like me out there who are desperate for babies to take care of.
What Tom and Katie’s birth parents did took courage, and my family wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them.
I couldn’t ask for better kids. They’ve made me the happiest mum in the world.
‘When Tom said “Mum” for the first time, I burst into tears’