Tony Cowell
Vanessa Feltz talks heartbreak, staying positive, and why she loves Christmas so much...
You could say broadcaster Vanessa Feltz, 55 – who has been with Phats & Small singer Ben Ofoedu since 2006 – has had her fair share of controversy and heartache in life. But here, the outspoken mum-of-two (she has grown-up daughters Saskia and Allegra with ex-husband Michael Kurer) opens up about how she stays positive no matter what, romance, and how becoming a grandmother transformed her life…
You are a hard worker – have you always had a strong work ethic?
I think so, yes. It comes from my dad. If I was at home doing nothing, he would make me come and help him in his office. But now, I love my radio work. I feel privileged to do it, and I just want to keep going as long as I can. I don’t see a time when I’d want to stop working. It just wouldn’t be me.
You grew up in Totteridge, north London. Did you have a strict upbringing?
Yes, incredibly strict. I grew up in the early 60s, in a Jewish family, and there was no going out after school. It was all homework. Saturday night was the only night I was allowed out to go to a disco. But that was the way life was in those days. It was different.
You lost your mum when she was only 57. Were you very close?
Yes, very much so. I would probably speak to her five or six times a day. I’m 55 years old now, and it weighs very heavily on me, because I think about her when she was my age, and I worry that I may die at the same age. People think I’m mad, but it’s actually quite common – this fear affects a lot of people.
You have said that you suffered from fear of death, even as a child. Can you explain that?
As a kid, when I found out that everybody in this world dies, I thought life was all a bit of a con. So, I think that’s why I feel this tremendous need to do everything now, just in case I may pop my clogs. It’s not a very relaxing way of living, because you feel so driven to do stuff the whole time.
You have suffered many lows in your life, yet you come across as being very positive...
I’ve always been positive. I think I grew up watching too many Hollywood movies. I still believe in a happy ending. I believe in true love and true happiness. My children say I’m a bit like a fairy godmother, because I’m always trying to make their dreams come true, which is probably why I love Christmas so much.
You have been with your long-term partner, Ben,
since 2006. Do you think that he is an easy person to live with? Yes, he is. He’s a very positive person, too. If you take him out somewhere, he will do his utmost to enjoy it. He is very laid-back, which makes him relaxing to be around. He has a very harmonious view of the world.
Would you say that he is a bit of a romantic?
Well, just today, he bought me some red and white roses – which I am just arranging in a vase – so yes, I suppose you can say he is a romantic.
You’ve said that a happy marriage depends on being friends, and handling the difficult times with humour – does that sum up you and Ben?
Yes. We do chat a lot. We come from very different worlds, but we share an understanding of each other’s world. He does make me laugh a lot, too. We do things for each other and, yes, I do make him chicken soup – but he’s actually a good cook.
Do you have plans to get married to Ben?
I don’t think so, because we believe if it isn’t broke, don’t fix it. In the 11 years we have been together, we have seen so many friends married and divorced. I think, because we are happy, we will carry on the way we are.
In 2014, you became a grandmother for the first time. Did that change your life?
Oh, completely, in every way. My grandchildren [Zeke and Neroli] are all I ever think and care about. They are two and four years old, and they are both the lights of my life. I like them to be within cuddling distance, and try to see them every single day. Having all my family around me is my idea of heaven.
Is Christmas a family affair for you?
Yes, it is. I am Jewish, but we have always done Christmas ever since I was a child. We get the biggest turkey possible. We have big candles. I get matching pyjamas for everyone, including Ben, and matching Christmas hats for our walk, so we can go up and talk to strangers and make them laugh – which is what I think Christmas is all about.
You recently won another award for your BBC Radio London show. Do you plan to stay in radio?
I think so, but if anyone wants to give me my show back on TV, I would be only too pleased to give it a whirl. But you have to go where your career takes you. I’m not one of those people that spends their life being tortured by wanting to do other things. When I was on the telly, I loved it. Now I’m on the radio, and feel like I’m at the top of my game. I love it!
Vanessa Feltz is on BBC Radio London, weekdays from 7am