Crazy? Why I married a prison lifer
Kacey Rush’s husband is serving two life sentences
Buckling up my seat belt, I turned on the air-con and braced myself for the four-hour, 180-mile trip to Calipatria State Prison in the Californian desert.
I checked my backpack for the umpteenth time – mascara, lipstick, perfume and black silk bed sheets were all there. I was going to see my husband, Travis, and I wanted to make sure this visit was extra special, because after eight years of being in a relationship and five years of marriage, it was the first time we’d be sleeping together.
Strict laws banning ‘family visits’ for lifers in Californian prisons meant that when we met in 2010, we weren’t allowed time alone together. But in February 2017, the law was changed, which meant I could finally have sex with my husband.
I first heard about Travis, now 49, in April 2010, when he’d been incarcerated for 18 years. At the time, I’d just sold a business and was living with my daughter, Taylor, 16, in Pasadena, California. I had a degree in psychology and was fascinated by prisoners who said they were innocent. It was then I came across an appeal website for a Travis Berry, who was serving two life sentences at Centinela State Prison for murder, kidnap and burglary.
Curious about what he’d say if I questioned his innocence, I emailed Travis and sent a picture of myself. I wasn’t looking for a pen pal, and I definitely wasn’t looking for love.
Three weeks later, I got a reply. Travis gave me a long explanation of why he was innocent, and I was intrigued to investigate myself.
We began to exchange emails and phone calls about his case. We also shared information about ourselves and our lives. Travis was so easy to talk to and soon, it felt like we’d known each other for years.
After three months of contact, we decided to meet.
After one failed attempt, the night before, I set four alarms because I was terrified I’d wake up late.
It was a long drive to Centinela Prison, and when I got there I had to go through processing. Guards took my jewellery and put it in plastic bags and cut the wiring out of my bra, so I could go through the metal detector. I had to change my clothes because they were too tight and wear jogging bottoms and a baggy T- shirt instead.
Sweating and with my make-up running in the baking July heat, I was so
nervous. ‘ What am I doing?’ I thought.
But as soon as I laid eyes on Travis, I felt at ease. He came into the room, took me in his arms and kissed me. It felt so natural and so right, and from that moment, I knew I was in trouble!
After kissing for ages, Travis took my hand and we sat down at a table to talk about our lives and his case. It was a wonderful few hours.
When I got home, I started researching Travis’s case in depth and hired investigators and an attorney with my savings. I also got the Innocence Project to take on the case.
There was no doubt in my mind that Travis was innocent of all charges against him and that his trial attorney had badly let him down. But it wasn’t just about getting Travis free, it was about us being together.
Telling Taylor that I was dating a prisoner was tough but I was honest about how I felt. She took it surprisingly well. And as the weeks and months went by, she could see how happy I was. Now they have a great father-daughter relationship, which I’m very thankful for.
A year after we met, Travis asked me to marry him. Of course, I said yes! It took a while for us to get permission, though, so it wasn’t until 25 February 2012 that we married in the chapel at Centinela Prison. We weren’t allowed a big wedding or any fuss, so it was just us and Taylor and a friend of Travis’s from the prison as witnesses.
For the next five years, although we were husband and wife, we weren’t allowed to be intimate or alone for any length of time. It was very tough and, after a while, we began to fight regularly. It started to feel like we didn’t know each other, and we weren’t being allowed any time alone together to talk through our problems.
So, when the law was changed in 2017, we couldn’t wait for a family visit. By then, Travis had been transferred to Calipatria Prison and we were allowed 72 hours in a private apartment on prison grounds with two bedrooms, a TV and DVD player and a kitchen.
When I finally arrived, Travis jumped out and tackled me before I could even take my backpack off. It wasn’t even about having sex, it was just about having time alone together. That intimacy changed our marriage. It was like the missing piece in the puzzle. As we cuddled and held each other, I felt closer to him than ever.
Since then, we’ve had two more family visits, but there’s no doubt that being married to somebody in prison is extremely tough. There are so many rules that make it difficult for the inmates to contact their family and loved ones. You have to be strong to endure it. There is a chance Travis could be freed this year. His case is currently with a federal level appeal court and we’re waiting for their decision.
It’s extremely difficult to overthrow a judgement handed down by a jury, as Travis’s was, but as long as there’s breath in my body, I won’t stop fighting to get him released. It breaks my heart that he’s in prison for something I believe he didn’t do.
Now, at 43, I live in hope every day that the court will make the right decision and my husband will be allowed to come home to me. But I’m a realist – I know Travis might never get out, so I try to live day to day and enjoy the time we do get together.
People ask me if I have any regrets and my answer is always ‘no’. I chose Travis and I love him with all my heart. Life is only what we make it, and I’m determined to make the most of mine with my amazing husband.
‘There’s no doubt that being married to somebody in prison is extremely tough’