The good, the bad and the downright ugly

THE COLLECTION BY DEBENHAMS, £40 I think this is an absolute monstrosity: it has padding and underwiring, yet still sags in all the wrong places. Its built-in skirt is to be avoided at all costs. From afar, it looks like a middleaged woman wearing a mini-skirt – an over-50s no-no that I do agree with. Women buy them to cover up sizeable bottoms, but it’s the equivalent of tying a cardigan around your waist. ERES AQUARELLE, £235 The key is not to show too much cleavage. Big boobs are very matronly. Swap plunging necklines and V-shapes for cuts that go straight across. This onepiece from Eres is simple and clean. Yes, it’s expensive but spend the money: on more pricey suits, the fabric will be thicker and will hold you in more. They’ll be lined and well seamed. OLYMPIA UNDERWIRED, £45 The best discovery I’ve made is flip-top bikini bottoms – brilliant for hiding muffin tops – like these from Olympia. The structured top supports my boobs and the print is bright and youthful without looking muttony. S. OLIVER RED LABEL, £50 Stay away from white bikinis if you have big boobs. This one makes me look like I’m wearing a bra and knickers! Oddly, showing more breast on a bikini gives a slimming illusion. Women think white will show off their tan, but other colours, such as yellow, can do this, too. Cheaper fabrics go see-through and sun cream can turn them yellow. If you must wear white, make sure the top has a halterneck tie.