‘Exhausted, I couldn’t even shower’

Clare Bowers, 33, from Liverpool, feels she lost her identity – then found it all over again

Standingat the bus stop with my three-year-old son, Dillon, who was having a tantrum, I saw a stranger shaking her head.

I felt judged and belittled. It was a long way from how I’d felt when I was outrunning men on a fitness course in the Royal Navy.

I’d planned a long and successful career in the Armed Forces, but, after Dillon and his sister, Emmie came along, I wound up single and left the Navy.

I felt I’d lost myself. I was exhausted, I never had time to shower, and I wore the same clothes for days. I also worried people would think every tantrum was down to me being a single mum, so I wore a fake engagement ring. Turns out, toddlers throw tantrums whether you’re married or not.

I had a feeling of ‘imposter syndrome’, like I was the only mum who didn’t have a clue.

Then, six years ago, I reconnected with my childhood sweetheart, Alan, 35. In 2014, we married and had Aurora, now three. Things are easier now, but I still think I’m doing OK if my kids are in bed by 8pm, while it seems everyone else’s are learning three languages and five musical instruments…

To dismantle this illusion, I created a platform – Mumbossuk – to help women launch businesses, and I also started blogging.

Dillon is 12 now, and Emmie is 11. These days, I go to networking events without yoghurt in my hair, and I feel like me again!

Clare’s book, Not Just A Mummy, is out on Amazon in August. Follow her on Instagram on @notjustamummy_world