‘I’m barely recognisable’
As this year’s Love Island draws to an end, Alex Rose Lee, a former reality TV show contestant, opens up about the darker side of her 15 minutes of instant fame…
To today’s teenagers, getting on TV might sound like a pretty great way of making instant riches and finding fame. But from Susan Boyle’s breakdown to the shocking death of Love
Island’s Sophie Gradon, the cost of such instant celebrity can be high. Here, 25-year-old Alex Rose Lee, a former Big Brother contestant from South Shields, explains why taunts of ‘ugly’ shattered her confidence and led her to spend £60,000 on plastic surgery…
‘Flicking through Twitter, my heart sank when I saw reports that Love Island star Sophie Gradon had died. After the show, she’d often spoken out about her mental health struggles, how she had to deal with trolls and how she felt she’d “sold her soul to reality TV”. Now, she was gone.
Like Sophie, I understand the highs and lows of being a reality TV contestant. In 2011, I came third on Big Brother. Going on TV is exciting and changes your world, but the glitter and gold eventually fade away.
Before the show, I’d always been super-confident with a lovely, size 12 hourglass figure. I’d been modelling myself on Barbie, bleaching my long brown hair and filling my wardrobe with pink clothes. I loved how I looked.
At 18, I got a job as cabin crew, but gave it up for Big
Brother. A massive fan of the show, I couldn’t wait to take part, but I never really thought about the consequences – good or bad.
I forgot about the cameras and threw myself into the experience, loving every minute. On the penultimate day, I won £30,000 in a task, which was more money than I’d ever dreamed of.
When I left the house, I felt thrilled. Back in the real world, I was treated like a celebrity – people stopped me in the street to say how much they’d liked watching me.
It took a couple of months for life to calm down and, when it did, I watched footage of the show. My excitement quickly turned to horror. I’d thought I was glamorous, but watching it back I saw myself as ugly, overweight and tacky.
Mortified, I stopped going out. Instead, I stayed in to
‘Once your sparkle fades, you’re in limbo’
read about myself online. People were more positive than negative, saying how funny and entertaining I’d been. But I focused on the horrible comments about my looks. “She looks like a transvestite,” one said. “She’s ugly,” another read.
Instead of feeling like my time in the Big Brother house had been good, I felt like everyone had been laughing at me. My confidence shattered, I decided to spend my winnings – plus earnings from interviews – overhauling my look.
I started with lip fillers in 2012. I’d never considered cosmetic procedures before, but I wasn’t scared – I figured they couldn’t make me look any worse.
At first, the fillers boosted my confidence. But, after a few weeks, I began finding more faults. In March 2013, I had my eyebrows and lips tattooed. Then came facial fillers, Botox and hair extensions. In July 2013, I had liposuction on my tummy, too.
I threw out all my Primark clothes and bought designer threads – all in black as I didn’t want to look like Barbie.
Of course, my winnings didn’t last forever, so I went back to my cabin crew job. I looked so different from my Big Brother days that no one recognised me, which was a relief.
My mum, Michelle, always told me I was beautiful, but I didn’t believe it. Although I was trying to fix my broken self-esteem, the more plastic surgery I had, the less confident I became. I felt awful.
In 2015, after telling my GP how I felt, I was diagnosed with body dysmorphia and referred for therapy. But I still felt I needed hair extensions and fillers. I even had chin reconstruction, a nose job, filler in the “marionette” lines around my mouth, and more in the folds around my nose, taking the total spent on reinventing myself to more than £60,000.
While I loved Big Brother, I had no idea that going on the show could wreck my self-esteem. If I hadn’t gone on, I wouldn’t have put myself under such scrutiny. I look back and can’t believe how confident I was then. I’d do anything to feel like that now.
I was lucky to have great friends, family and a career I love. Not everyone is as lucky. And when I watch this year’s
Love Island contestants, I worry for them, especially Megan Barton-Hanson, who’s been cast as this year’s villain.
Photos of her pre surgery have been shared all over the Internet, with people calling her ugly and a “snake” when she got with Wes while he was with Laura. Things got so bad, comments on her Instagram account had to be barred.
I was horrified at the nasty memes I saw, especially after the death of Sophie. People were tweeting how sad they were, then moments later telling Megan that she was ugly and should kill herself.
People forget that the contestants on these shows have real feelings. I hoped Sophie’s death would be a wake-up call, but it hasn’t been. It’s incredibly sad.
After Love Island, I hope the stars realise that being on TV doesn’t change your life forever. Fame can send you into a downward spiral of illusion that you’re something or someone you’re not.
At least Dani Dyer will get advice from her dad, but the others may well feel a pressure to live beyond their means, trying to impress Instagram followers they gained within a matter of days. It’s not real and it’s not healthy.
Once your sparkle fades, you’re in limbo. You begin to see new faces on new TV shows who are more relevant than you and you’re left wondering when your next big break is. But it’s been and gone.
Although reality TV is an amazing experience, if things don’t work out, life can become a struggle. Very few coping strategies are in place. I’m one of the lucky ones – as the limelight faded, I had a career as an air hostess to return to. But without my income and new life, I could very easily have gone down a dark path.
Contestants need to be realistic. The production company has a duty of care while you’re on the show, and for a short time afterwards. Channel 5 arranged therapists, and I hope Love Islanders will get similar care.
They need to make sure they surround themselves with loved ones and don’t read any negative comments. If not, like me, they may just start to believe what’s said.’