100 DATES and still looking for Mr Right!
Janey Maple, 57, is divorced and has been on over 100 first dates without finding anyone to settle down with – but that won’t stop her believing in love…
At the time, I thought I’d never get over my divorce. I’d been with my husband for 20 years when he told me he didn’t think he loved me any more. Those words turned my world upside down like a snow globe. Everything eventually settled back down, but nothing was ever the same.
I’d suspected he was hiding something, back then in 2011, but I’d believed he was ill. I thought he’d become so withdrawn, that the light in his eyes had dulled because he was trying to find a way to tell me he had cancer.
I had no idea he was hiding a lack of love. Our romance had been picture-perfect. Meeting in Orlando, Florida, in 1991, we were the holiday romance that had gone the distance. Within six months, we’d moved in together. A year after that, we tied the knot.
Our two sons – Jack, now 23, and Harry, 21 – arrived, and being a wife and mum became my identity. While some parents lose themselves when that happens, I felt like I’d finally found the person I was meant to be. So, when that was pulled from under me, I had no idea what to do.
We struggled on for another year but, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t force his loving feelings back. In 2012, I admitted defeat and moved out into a rented house.
Approaching 50 and back in the wilderness, my sense of self-worth was shattered. I just wanted to hibernate and sleep away the pain. Friends lined up at my door, with shoulders to cry on and bottles of Prosecco to drown my sorrows in. But, when they left and I found myself in a cold, quiet house, my tears would return.
It wasn’t just my broken heart I had to contend with, I was a practical mess, too. I’d worked part-time at a language school during my marriage, but my husband was an accountant and he’d taken care of our finances. If I bought a new dress or shoes on my credit card, he’d pay it off, no questions asked. Now that I had no such safety net, I had to apply for an office job and figure out a strict budget.
For the first few months, I walked around in a fog. It felt so surreal, I thought my husband would call and tell me it was all a mistake. But he didn’t and, as time passed, it became clear it wasn’t.
When I heard he had a new, younger girlfriend, I knew I had to move on. So I joined a local rowing club and a group who were researching their family’s history. I became so fascinated with finding my
‘It was clear that dating apps were how people met nowadays’
ancestors’ birth, marriage and death certificates that I trained as a registrar.
I found myself becoming more practical. Deciding to put up shelves and paintings in the new cottage in Oxfordshire I eventually bought myself, I called a handyman round.
‘ You don’t need a man for this,’ he said, laughing. ‘ You just need a power drill.’ And, as I watched him carefully, I realised he was right.
So I went shopping, took courses and, before long, I was doing my own DIY. When I got a flat tyre, I even managed to jack my car up myself. I was so proud – then furious when I wasn’t strong enough to loosen the nuts to remove and replace the tyre. ‘ You did well to get this far, though,’ the AA man said, impressed.
Yet, despite my growing confidence and bustling social life, I couldn’t deny that I wanted a man by my side to enjoy life. Although the dating scene was a completely different place now to when I was last single, I knew exactly where to start. Working as a registrar, it was clear that dating apps were how people met nowadays. I took the plunge and I’ve never looked back.
I’ve been on all the sites you could name. Lumen is my favourite – it’s aimed at the over-50s and it’s easy to use. Plus, it’s new, so everyone on there feels fresh and optimistic.
In the six years I’ve been single, I’ve been on well over 100 dates, met all kinds of men and had a whole host of experiences. At first, I took it very seriously, lining up four dates a week and jotting down notes to ensure I didn’t get my various suitors confused. I’d get my hair and nails done and buy new outfits.
So I was shocked when one of my first dates turned up in grubby jeans as if he’d just finished gardening. If he didn’t want to impress me, I wasn’t going to waste my time…
He was the first of a funny bunch. There was the man I met on a dog-walking date, who dumped me because my furry friend wouldn’t come back when I called her. The man who asked me to fill in a questionnaire before we met, then cut off contact because I said I liked Ant and Dec. And the man I really liked, who turned out to be an alcoholic…
I was quite excited about one date a few years ago. We’d chatted on the phone and he seemed lovely and funny. But, when he walked into the pub, he must have weighed 20st. As I thought back frantically to his profile, I realised he’d just shared head shots…
Now 57, I’m far fussier and only go on three or four dates a month. I’ve got the confidence to cut a date short if I don’t think it’s going anywhere. I’ve experienced love at first sight before and, so far, it hasn’t happened again. But will I keep my profile updated? Of course! Whenever I officiate over someone’s marriage and see that sparkle when their eyes meet, I know true love is out there. It’s just a case of finding it.