Are you ready for love… AGAIN?
Finding yourself single in later life doesn’t have to be a sad or negative experience. In fact, it could be the start of an exciting new chapter for you. And the best thing about it? You’re in control…
More women than ever are finding themselves single in later life – and that’s a fact. Back in 1992, it’s reported 25,561 women aged 45-59 got divorced. Yet, 25 years later, in 2017, in the same age group, that number shot up to 36,225. For those aged 60-plus, it nearly doubled, from 3,221 to 6,227 in the same time period. And that’s not taking into account the declining marriage rate, or the fact that women are expected to live up to three years longer than men – 82.9 years, compared to 79.2 years.
Whether your separation was your own decision or not, finding yourself alone after being married – or indeed, after any long-term relationship – is never easy. We’re creatures of habit, so, when two become one, it’s understandably a struggle.
Things like organising your finances, doing your weekly shop and watching TV can be a completely different experience. So, when it comes to dating, it’s no wonder that you can feel overwhelmed.
‘Dating at any age is scary, but factor in that you are now 40-plus and it can seem like such a minefield that you wonder whether it’s worth stepping back into it,’ says Caroline Strawson, divorce and break-up coach.
‘If you’ve just broken up with someone, psychologically, it can feel like you’ll never meet anyone again and you’re long past your best-before date. For women in particular, body image can play a huge part in raising anxiety levels if you’re stepping back into the dating arena, as you may have been with one partner for decades and have all the signs of childbirth and bodily changes – leaving you lacking in confidence.
‘Hormonal changes, like the perimenopause, can also have a huge impact on how you feel day-to-day, with periods of lethargy and dissociation,’ adds Caroline.
Yet, there is no need to despair. There are 7.5m single, divorced or widowed men and women in the UK over 50. You’re definitely not alone.
Caroline advises that you start slowly when it comes to getting back into the dating game. Dip a toe in, rather than taking the plunge. And, she says, online dating is the perfect place to do just that.
‘Often, after being married for years or even decades, you may have forgotten how to speak to men in a flirty manner,’ she says. ‘So, why not get some practice from the comfort of your own home?
‘Make a pact with yourself not to meet anyone for three months. Just use the apps and sites as an opportunity to chat.’
Even when you actually decide to go on a date, Caroline recommends you begin with baby steps. It doesn’t have to be the start of a great romance or meeting Mr Right. It’s just a fun evening that you can end as and when you like.
‘Remember, you’re in control,’ she stresses. ‘In control of when you go home, whether you speak to them again and whether you choose to meet up again.’
To keep your nerves to a minimum, Caroline suggests you invite a friend round to help you get ready and play upbeat music to set the tone of the date. Make sure you know where you’re going, and get there early.
‘Being nervous is a normal human emotion, but you can take a lot of that away just by being organised,’ she says. ‘See the date as an exciting opportunity to have fun, to meet someone nice and maybe even find Mr Right. If it doesn’t work out, don’t take it as a rejection. It’s just that the chemistry wasn’t right with this man – there are plenty more out there.’
And, most importantly, being in your 40s and 50s doesn’t mean your life is over or that it’s all downhill from here on in. ‘It’s just another exciting new chapter,’ says Kate. ‘And it’s a chapter that you’re starting with far more knowledge and experience than you’ve ever had.’
So, make your life story a page-turner – no matter where you are in it!
‘Just use the apps and sites as an opportunity to chat’