The modern -day dating game…
Things may have changed a lot on the looking-for-love landscape, but don’t feel discouraged – you can still find The One…
If it’s been two or three decades since you’ve been single, you’ll probably have noticed the dating scene has changed quite a bit since you were last looking for love. It’s a hard fact to miss.
It’s no longer a case of locking eyes with a mystery man across a bar or approaching someone you fancy in a club – and that’s even if you do muster up the energy to go out on a Friday night.
Yet, as relationship and love coach Kate Mansfield points out, these more traditional methods of meeting men have been replaced by a plethora of others – mainly, but not exclusively, dating apps.
‘The landscape of dating and relationships is very different today and the most obvious change is online dating,’ she explains. ‘This has now become the most popular choice for around 60 per cent of people looking for a partner.’
There’s no stigma attached to using dating apps these days. There’s Tinder, the original app, Bumble, where the lady makes the first move, Muddy Matches, if you’re a self-confessed country bumpkin and many more.
There are even ones specifically for the over-50s. Despite only launching six months ago, Lumen already has 150,000 members and is already the fifth most popular dating app in the UK in terms of daily downloads. There are literally thousands of fish in the sea – all waiting to be caught.
Charly Lester, co-founder of Lumen, says, ‘Technology has completely changed the way we date. Not only does it make it easier to find people, but the introduction of many free apps, especially in the past few years, has made online dating much more accessible and open.’
She continues, ‘It can also be a great way to filter people down and ensure you’re not wasting time on people who aren’t compatible. It’s also an amazing way to cast a wider net and meet people who you might never meet elsewhere.
‘Dating, especially online, can seem overwhelming if you’re newly single, but it doesn’t have to be. Take it one step at a time, to help take the pressure off things.
‘For example, rather than thinking about meeting a future husband, focus on having a great night, and then maybe another great night, and so on. Ultimately, remember that dating, in whatever form, is just another way to meet like-minded people, try something new, and boost your confidence. It doesn’t necessarily have to end in romance, either!’
If you don’t feel happy about diving straight into online dating, don’t think it’s your only option. Ourtime, a dating site for over-50s, offers people local singles activities, so you can meet your potential partners in person before committing to a one-on-one date.
‘There are also singles nights and social groups for people in their 40s and 50s to meet a new partner,’ Kate says. ‘I think that although the changes we have seen can present some challenges, the opportunities offered by meeting people online, and the increased financial success of many women, mean the potential for more exciting, equal partnerships is real.
‘The element of increased choice presents a problem with a focus on short-term, conveyor-belt relationships, but it’s important not to lose sight of the fact that most people, including men, do want commitment and a life partner – with the right person.’
So why not go on a holiday for singles, join a club or learn a new skill? Take advantage of the extra time you may have in later life to invest in yourself – and your romantic life.
Remember, though, that no matter where you meet your man, you have to be careful. Meet in a public place and tell friends where you’re going. There is also a campaign across the country called ‘Ask for Angela’, where if you say those words to bar staff, you’re letting them know you feel unsafe or threatened.
And don’t forget to look out for your sexual health, too. Sexually transmitted diseases are becoming more common in the over-45s, including HIV, gonorrhoea, herpes, syphilis and genital warts. In fact, rates for chlamydia – the most common STI in the UK – rose by an alarming 63 per cent among 45-64s between 2011 and 2015. Just because you might not be able to fall pregnant, doesn’t mean you should have unprotected sex.